Florida + Caribbean Cruise

    The cruise we took from Florida was great.  Mom and I had a lot of fun sailing the most tropical of the seven seas.
     We took off on a Seattle sunrise.  I listened to music and read the whole way there.  During take-off I listened to OK Computer by Radiohead, because it's good airplane music.   The cloudiness of songs like Airbag and Paranoid Android created the perfect atmosphere (no pun intended) for soaring in the sky.
     On the way there I read Catastrophobia, a New Age doomsday book that tries to predict a global cataclysm coming in 2012.  I tried explaining it to mom, who thought it was outrageous.  According to the writer, there was a global cataclysm about 12,000 years ago, which caused the end of an Ice Age and the whole Earth to flood.   The writer thinks it was caused by a pole shift that happens every time the Earth passes the galactic equator (once every 13,000 years).   She claims that the Mayan calendar is based on this, and the precession of the equinoxes- also 13,000 years long if you cut it in half.   By her reasoning, this means the world will see another cataclysm in the year 2012, when the calendar ends.  I don’t know if this science or not, but it’s a scary thought.
     While we were flying over the south I decided to play some Hootie And The Blowfish.   It’s one of the few country-rock records I have, and I wanted to immerse myself in some southern culture. Atlanta's airport is so crowded, it's ridiculous.  After the relay we flew through a wicked thunderstorm on our way to Miami.  Mom got scared as usual, but I thought it was fun.
     On the second day we went on an airboat ride in the Everglades.  There was a brave alligator that swam up to the boat, coming within a few inches of us.  Everyone was afraid it would attack us.  Even the guide was unnervingly quiet.  I think it was just curious, or looking for food.  Prior to that I got to hold a baby one at this alligator farm.  The owner had taped its mouth shut (no way was I picking up an untethered gator, no matter how small!).   It just squirmed in my arms like a baby human would.
     That afternoon we drove down to Miami Beach, one of the longest in the world.  It was exhilarating to be there because I’d always imagined the water being so blue and tranquil.  Like Waikiki, the image of paradise I’d had of it turned into a reality.  The sand and the water was so pristine- all seemed perfect.  No wonder Starla moved there.
     On the third day we drove our rental car through Miami to the Keys.   Mom and I listened to all our favorite music: Boston, Michael Jackson, Led Zeppelin, Guns N’ Roses, Pearl Jam.   In the keys we were surrounded by the ocean everywhere we drove.  The Seven Mile Bridge felt like we were driving right over it.  As we came off the bridge we got pulled over by a cop for going 85mph.  It was frankly an awesome place to get my first speeding ticket, in the Florida Keys going over one of the longest bridges in America.
     Key West was a let down though. The beach sucked; it smelled bad and there was bird crap everywhere.  The drive was far better than the destination.
     On day four we boarded the cruise, leaving Ft. Lauderdale just as another thunderstorm approached from the west.  I sat on the deck of the cruise ship the whole evening, listening to Balligomingo's Beneath the Surface, watching the sunset and the Atlantic stars at twilight. You may think I am lonely to experience things like this by myself.  But I deny it.  When moments like these happen, I feel connected to everything else in the world, sensing companionship and joy in a way I can't describe using words.  People who only find joy in being with others wouldn't understand.
     On day five we stepped foot in the Bahamas.  The beach had these wooden watchtowers you can climb and enjoy the view from.   Mom went on a banana boat ride while I explored the beach.  She said she didn’t fall off even though everyone else did.  I joked that she could have been a professional bull-rider.   I just chilled out in the shade, rockin' out with my best friend, the CD player, listening to my "sunshine playlist", which fittingly includes a song called Florida Sunshine.  There was a sizzling blonde woman drinking at the bar, who kept looking in my direction.   Too bad the boat was going to leave soon, otherwise I might have talked to her.  I'm not the type for casual flings anyway, at least not in real life.
     That night we saw a hypnotist-comedian on the boat.  He made people do silly stuff when they were hypnotized, like kissing the belly of someone they didn’t know.  I don't think they were really hypnotized; most likely the were actors.  I was partially hypnotized myself, even though I was in the audience.  That’s never happened to me before.  Time passes so slowly when you’re hypnotized; the world stops turning and your brain is that mercy of a certifiable lunatic.  Good thing I was conscious enough not to kiss anyone’s belly.
     Day six was spent at sea.  I ran six miles in 46:50 on a running machine, and that's all that really happened.
     Day seven was spent in Jamaica.  We went on a tour in these creepy caves that were full of bats. We didn’t see any though, we only heard them screeching down the corridors of the caves.  Batman would have felt at home, but not us mere civilians. Then we did something amazing; we literally climbed up a waterfall.   It didn't have much verticality, but it was still a wild thing to accomplish.  A lot of people were doing it with us, all holding hands in a line to help with our footing as we climbed up the wet rocks.  It was slippery and dangerous, but the element of fun overshadowed any other emotions people felt.  Except for one woman, who was crying so much that she had to leave the line.  Poor thing.  Mom thought it was the highlight of the trip.
     The next day was spent on Grand Cayman Island.  It didn’t impress me much.  We went on a bike ride, but the highest elevation was only about 18 feet.  Then we stopped at a turtle farm, where mom got to hold one of her favorite animals.  I touched a few, but it made me sad how they were all climbing on top of one another, looking for a way to escape.  It almost felt like we were touring a prison.  Then we rode our bikes to "Hell", a place of dead coral configurations that are meant to resemble the fiery pits of the Biblical Hell.  It sure didn't look like an eternity of torture to me.  After that, mom went snorkeling while I continued to bake in the sun.
     That evening we saw some Caribbean dancers perform.   At the end of the show everyone started dancing to this happy monster thing.  It was all very laughable.  The dancing continued on through the night.   There was a full-fledged party in the lounge.   I had a few drinks and hit the dance floor, where a bombshell was putting the moves on some lucky soul.  He took a back seat to me though, and together we romped through the jungle.  I don’t remember much about that night, but I do remember the bliss of carefree dancing, some zesty music, and a woman as revealing as Titian’s Venus of Urbino.  Last thing I remember, She Bangs was playing on full blast, and I had literally become Ricky fucking Martin.  (I may have imagined this whole episode.)
     On day nine we arrived in Mexico, taking a ferry ride to the coast. This guy I sat next to was the loudest snorer of all time.  I contemplated pinching his nose shut, but I didn't want to be rude.  Besides, the amusement of seeing his wife wake him up in a scornful manner made it worth the suffering.
     On the Yucatan Peninsula we went to Tulum, a Mayan ruin on the coast.  The temple is interesting because it fits the pattern of this global communion in which monuments were built to recognize the equinoxes and solstices as a way of calenderizing the heavens.  Like Stonehenge, the sunlight would enter through a hole in the temple at the right time of year.
     After Tulum we went to Xel-Ha National Park, a cove surrounded by lush jungle and inhabited by dolphins and parrots.  I tried walking across this floating bridge that had no rails, however it was so unstable that it threw me into the water (like everyone else).  I wish we’d had time to see the Mayan temple Chichen Itza, but it was too far away from the coast.
     On the cruise back to Ft. Lauderdale, we saw the fantasy film Bridge To Terabithia.  I loved that movie.  Unfortunately the outdoor showing coincided with a squall of thunderstorms.  We foolishly tried to wait out the storm while everyone else went for cover.  There was another couple there who challenged us in seeing who could brave the storm longest.  Eventually the rain came down so hard that mom got up and ran for cover.   So I followed her, much to the disdain of our challengers, who were laughing behind us.  We'll see who gets the last laugh when you get pneumonia, I thought.
     That cruise was the best trip I've had in a long time.  It was something I really needed in a year of constant work and no play.  I feel like I've finally gotten a taste of what it's like to be a guy in college, even if I'm still hanging out with my mom.