We all want to be happy, or at least seen
as being content with ourselves. Yet many of us struggle to find the path
to happiness. It seems like a pipe dream only the naive and ignorant are
having. We don't realize how the powerful social institutions of society
promote emotions that deter us from being happy, or the ways in which basic
health could enhance it. Aside from that, a key ingredient seems to be
missing, that in order to truly be happy we must always be seeking growth in
body, mind, and spirit. All these things add up to create a better sense
of well-being. Like the tools in a toolbox we use to maintain things,
there are many valuable principles to live by that can help us feel more
happy. So, let's have a look at your toolbox and see what's missing.
Social institutions play a large role in
how happy we feel. At the apex is social inequality, which comes in a
variety of layers, most notably wealth and status. The pressure to
succeed overvalues virtues that deter from happiness, such as ambition and victory.
Many believe that we can all achieve success if we try hard enough. The
reality is that very few people ever succeed at getting what they want out of
their career. Our social structure rewards only a select few who come out
on top- often only one person- out of a pool of millions who would otherwise
feel competent without it. All you must do is look at any sports league;
out of 30-200 teams, only one can be the best, and that's how we reward
them.
Losing makes us feel incompetent and
insecure, like a failure, leading to some of the other emotions that disrupt
happiness, like anxiety and depression. Nothing hurts our self-esteem
more than the shame and embarrassment of losing, not to mention the impressions
we make on people. With the rise of social media and video recordings,
we've become increasingly self-conscious about appearing successful and
competent in the eyes of others. Therefore, I believe the overvaluation
of competition is one of the reasons for increasing rates of anxiety and
depression in our society.
Inequality also makes us more prone to
making judgments about character based on first impressions, which in turns
heightens our social anxiety. In a competitive atmosphere, people are always
sizing each other up, making for some awkward first encounters and reunions,
whether it be at school, in the workplace, or even in family settings.
Other social institutions that poison our
happiness are advertising and the media. They are constantly bombarding
us with the means by which we can live a better, idealized life, often at the
expense of our self-esteem. Many ads feature models and other
hyper-realized beings we envy, having the effect of shaming our identity and
making us feel like we aren't good enough.
Yet another institution is
urbanization. Globalization means that families are moving more now than
they ever have before, some moving 5-10 times throughout someone's
childhood. We used to live in closer communities, where everyone knew
each other their whole lives, making us more dependable and friendly to each
other. Urbanization has caused us to abandon the community, to blend into
large cities where everyone feels like a stranger, where we feel like outsiders
at the expense of our liberty. It doesn't help that modern technology tends
to isolate us even more from others around us. Phones and computers are
especially isolating in that we no longer have to pay attention to what's
happening around us- the things that matter most are happening on our
devices.
Finally, institutions that prevent
reasonable desires from coming to fruition, like religion and health care, are
a further hindrance to happiness, either because they repress our feelings, or
we can't afford their necessity.
The way to not let social institutions
affect your happiness is to try your best to ignore them. Don't get
sucked into dogmas or buy into the competitive spirit of society; you will find
that what strangers think about you isn't as important as what you think about
yourself. Participating in competition is o.k., but try not to take it
too seriously, or your desire to win will consume you. While it's
impossible to ignore the effects of inequality and urbanization, things like
advertisements can be filtered out if you try hard enough. Being content
with your self-image means you can live anywhere or do whatever you want
without being worried about impressions or being recorded. Even in
cities, we can still make good friends. But if you feel like an urbanized
setting is having an adverse effect on your happiness, a change might be in
order. It's always o.k. to try rural life by living in a smaller
community. Many who move from the city to the country find it much better
for their well-being.
Health and hygiene is another cornerstone
of happy living. The amount we sleep has a profound effect on how we
feel, as does what we eat and the amount of exercise we get. Hopefully
the reasons for this are obvious- maximum comfort is felt when the body is
working best. Hygiene is more subtle, but it also contributes to bodily
comfort. Any illness that resulted from poor hygiene and health can be a
great hindrance to our happiness.
The final important piece of achieving
happiness is to always be striving for growth. A humble approach to life
detracts from the selfishness associated with narcissism, a state in which we
can never be happy because we are incapable of learning from our mistakes.
This allows us to keep making the same mistakes over and over, and we are
forever caught in a cycle of suffering that results from not being able to take
accountability. Growing means admitting we don't know all we need to know
yet, that every person in the world has something to teach us, that we
shouldn't make judgments based on assumptions, that achieving goals associated
with growth makes us feel happier than those based on materialistic ones.
Growing means helping our fellow man without expecting anything in return,
which helps us feel better about ourselves. Growing means we are always
receptive to new information, no matter how disheartening it is, and open to
new ideas. It means we have no need to make boundaries based on intolerance
because our minds are open enough to consider the possibility that there is an
alternative. Growing means we see the glass half full, because there's
something to learn from each of our mistakes and misfortunes. It means we
live in the present and don't worry about what could have happened or what
might happen in the future.
Happiness is the freedom to create your
own life, to do your work and to do it well. Do things that make you feel
comfortable, not necessarily what you're good at. Treat people how you'd
like to be treated, talk to others the way you'd like to be spoken to.
Keep your family strong, don't grow distant from them. Try not control
things so much, let go of wanting things done your way. Improve your
mind, body, and spirit. Meditate daily, work out a few times a week, eat
natural foods. Put as much care into your health as you put into your
work. Try not to let any desires based on status bring you down.
Only unhappy people care about appearances. Happy, wise people will
accept you for the beautifully flawed person you are. Their opinions are
the ones you should care about most.
