Reparenting the Wounded Inner Child

     A technique I am using to help me heal my wounded inner child is called reparenting. Reparenting is an immersive meditation where you imagine you are with your inner child at a particularly traumatic moment. You take the place of the absent parent who should have been there to help you, soothing your inner child with your own parental tenderness. You become your own parent in this crucial situation, which has the effect of continuing the development of emotions that became stagnant as a consequence. For me, this experience was a breakthrough on a magnitude that surpasses all the therapy I ever took and all the books I ever read on mental wellness.
    What helped me discover my wounded inner child was going through a checklist and noticing almost every single criterion for it matching my situation. For most of my life, there has been an inexplicable emptiness in my heart, a pain that has never gone away, slightly alleviated by getting married. My shrinks would have called it a mental weakness or a chemical imbalance in my brain, and my mother would be the first to believe them, perscribing me to medications as one solution. I found out early on these were bad solutions and I have not been to therapy since.

    In reality, the pain in my heart stemmed from emotional memories of neglect from when I was an infant and my parents would let me "cry it out". These aren't actual memories, for I was too young to have them, but it is the way they did things. I have an earliest memory of crying and crying and no one coming to help, my stepfather storming into the room to scare me so bad that I would stop. Often, he would hit me. He did not care enough to comfort me in situations where all I needed was a little love and tenderness; rather, he turned an already traumatic situation into something worse.

    My biological father told me that after I was born, my mother wasn't naturally gifted at breastfeeding, growing frustrated that I wouldn't latch on. So, I was given the bottle and trained to reduce contact with her. My mother has told me that she only had me because she "wanted someone to love her", meaning I was groomed to be her emotional support at every twist and turn of her life, through adulthood and up to last year when I discovered she had narcissist tendencies. That was another breakthrough on a similar level. It was so bad that she had all my shrinks and even her family fooled. I remember her loving me, but only when it was convenient fo her. It didn't matter when I needed intimacy, so when I finally got it from her needing it, there was a vast sense of relief, a desperate surrender of my needs to hers, teaching me that I was only there to serve her feelings.

    In my meditations I have soothed my inner child by saying affirming things like "I'm here for you, I'll never leave you, you deserve to be loved, your parents are neglectful but I'm not, you are secure in my arms, I love you because you are kind and beautiful, you aren't worthless". The most radical moment came when I talked to an angel who assisted me by entering my soul, finding the source of that pain, and swarming it with loving grace. I haven't felt that desperate pain since my angel healed it. Why didn't she do it long ago? Because I didn't understand its source. Only when you understand something can an angel assist you, and I never even asked it where that feeling was coming from. I highly recommend reaching out to an angel, if you can, for even faster relief than reparenting, though both seem to work.

    I believe this emotional memory had a profound effect on my life because I never developed emotionally from it. It negatively impacted my confidence, my self-esteem, my sensitivity to rejection; my chest posture, chest tension, or a possible weight imbalance; the way I react when getting upset; overeating, especially sugar; and needing excessive contact with my kids as a weird vicarious remedy. It explains the lingering emptiness in my heart chakra when meditating on it. In a sense I have been a neglected infant for all 41 of my years, and I am just now finding the path to overcome.   

    Reparenting is a great tool for sealing those heart wounds that never mend. They are worse than the pain of garden-variety rejection or a breakup because they are deep seeded in infancy, where it is far more difficult to remember, making it seem like an innate quality of your psychology. Many depressed people are unaware why they have this feeling that never goes away. If this sounds like you, project yourself into the earliest memory of your trauma and give reparenting a try.

Favorite Games of All Time

     I was talking with my kids about a list of our favorite games. Below is what I came up with just on my own, although some of these do involve them. It is based on a long history of recreational favorites that I have fancied at any chapter of my life. Traditional sports do not qualify. Only sedentary ones like board games, video games, apps, card games, and computer games count.

Tension

I don't want to feel it anymore,
The tension
Sinking my eyes to withered sockets
That bleed for rest on the autobahn scrolls,
My feet that scorch from endless miles hitting the pavement,
My angry gut that thrashes with every excessive meal.

I will explore the anatomical caverns
Listing my tension,
Slipping logical icicles into every crevasse
Where enduring flames calve my body,
Cooling them to cinders.

The Farmfree Revolution

     George Monbiot's groundbreaking book Regenesis makes a strong case for farming being the most environmentally destructive social institution humans ever created. Farming does more to destroy land, ecological habitat, and raise pollution than urban sprawl, mining, transportation, or any other "necessary" social function.
    Feeding people isn't the only way this happens. It's also the use of land for grazing farm animals that need to grow in order to supply humans with essential animal protein. And because there are so many people to feed, farming has grown at such a prolific rate that it is no longer sustainable as a human activity.

    Monbiot posits that large scale farming can be reduced by making soil healthier. The soil where crops grow must be allowed a natural ecology that isn't contaminated by pesticides or rapid crop rotations. Weeds must also be welcome because they invite a full spectrum of the local ecology to keep the soil fertile.

    Obviously, this isn't sustainable either, but at least healthy soil doesn't desecrate a whole landscape, rendering it inarable, as this is what's happening all over the planet with rampant tilling, plowing, and pesticide use. These activities degrade the soil so much that it doesn't retain water or nutrients the way it did before it was farmed.

    A more important proposition is a revolution in bacterial "farming" that would merely be grown in a factory and shipped out. Food scientists have discovered ways to grow bacteria in fermentation tanks that would supply all the essential proteins humans need to consume. And while factories aren't good for the environment either, they would at least reduce the number of acres being farmed to the point where ecologies can be sustained again- a far greater situation than total habitat loss.

    It isn't clear whether this method would produce every nutrient and mineral that humans need to survive, and that is my only question with Monbiot's solution. Animal meat contains several necessary vitamins and minerals that would be lacking if humans stopped eating it. Would we all have to take supplements in addition to bacterial protein? What about fiber that is so ubiquitous in farming and critical to gut health? A complete nutritional breakdown of these alternatives was lacking in the book.

    I'm all in favor of such a revolutionary diet if we retain our nutrients. Not only would it be more sustainable, but possibly healthier for people by containing less sugar, salt, fat, and preservatives. Governments would need to work to keep corporations out of the picture, as I'm sure they would all try to inject this food with addictive substances.

    Regenesis made me think of the planet in an entirely new way. It isn't just transportation fueling the climate crisis, or overpopulation destroying ecosystems. It is large-scale farming that exacerbates both these issues, spearheaded by corporate greed that claims the land it exploits it for profit. The planet would probably be able sustain 20 billion people if we didn't need to use so much of its land for feeding ourselves. Freefarming may be a critical step in developing a sustainable world for our children.

The Cosmology of Religions: Vibration, Meditation, and Mapping the Afterlife

    Life after death is addressed in all of the world's major religions. The realms traveled by deceased spirits have been mapped by most of them, with the interesting exception of Christianity. Yet even the Christians have a notoriously powerful afterlife. Despite this unusual religion, the others have mystical sects that describe a cosmology governed by different frequencies of universal vibration.

    Eastern religions like Hinduism and Buddhism teach of the vibrations as real places (they call them planes or realms). In Hinduism, they are specifically called lokas. There are 14 of them that occupy a space in a hierarchy of spiritual attainment. On a map of the lokas, Earth is at the center, with seven planes extending above and below in each direction. The higher planes concern spiritual development while the lower ones concern material struggles. Each plane is a step higher and lower on a soul's spiritual journey, based on their karma. We, the souls on Earth, are thought to enter them after we die. We may move higher or lower on them depending on what we've learned. On Earth, it is possible to access the various lokas by tuning into its vibration during the practice of meditation, but only for those who are sensitive to it.

    In Buddhism the realms are also called lokas, but they are also referred to as jhanas, or pure lands. The branches of Buddhism differ on the number of lokas that can be accessed, ranging from 10-31. Note that different beings occupy the planes, based on the vibration of their spirits. Lower demonic entities, or "Asuras" occupy the lower planes, while higher angelic entities or "Devas" occupy the higher ones. We on Earth typically occupy the middle plane.

    In Judaism, the Kabbalah sect has a different version of this same teaching. There are ten sephirot "planes" that distribute the flow of light through realms of existence. This flow represents everything that happens in the world; each change can be mapped on the Tree of Life, representing sephirot connected by the realms. It is used to guide the Jewish mystic on their journey to understand the interconnectedness of all existence. And like the eastern traditions, each plane can be accessed through meditation, particularly by using sound and not just vibration.

    Sufism from Islam is another extension of it. Sufi practice aims to elevate consciousness by meditation to higher planes of vibration. The planes are described as different qualities of light that arise from these vibrational rates. Interestingly, there is thought to be an angelic plane where beings reside between earth and the higher realms; and a demonic plane occupied by "jinns" that sometimes harass humans.

    While these religions all have an obscure sect that has mapped these cosmic realms, I have never stumbled on it reading about Christian philosophy, which is interesting because the idea of "angels watching over us" most resonates in that religion. To me, Christianity is like a "religion for dummies". It abandoned the Gnostic cosmology for a simpler heaven and hell, angels and demons narrative. The complex cosmologies of other religions were deemed heretical. Presumably this helped to spread its appeal, as it invited people ignorant about metaphysics for a more comforting emotional interpretation of spirituality. 

    Without a map, the afterworld of Christianity was more difficult to navigate. It wasn't until the poet Dante in the 14th century, who came closest to mapping one for Christians with his Divine Comedy. With the nine circles of Hell in the Inferno below, Earth and Purgatory in between, and the nine circles Paradise above, Dante's cosmology resonated the most with people who rejected the planes of consciousness in favor of literal places. But it was the rejection of Gnostic cosmology in the first place that allowed such a reimagining to change the landscape of the afterlife for Christians. Vibration, meditation, and reincarnation were less understood than a cosmic struggle between good and evil.

    Regardless, every religion teaches that angels and demons do occupy realms beyond the physical one on Earth; that they can communicate with us through interplanar travel; and that we can access these planes if we try hard enough. Even lesser religions address these abilities, particularly indigenous ones involving Shamanism, a broad term for the practice of communicating with spirits. Most tribal rituals that summon spirits involve the same kind of chants or mantras that major religions aim to simulate their vibration on the physical plane. Thus, when a philosopher considers all the similarities in cosmology and ritual between cultures, from every corner of the world, there is an overwhelming amount of evidence to support the belief of an afterlife.

Printing in the Arab World (800-1600)

     In the Middle Ages and through the Renaissance, the Arab world was set to dominate the world for centuries. It had the best scientists, the strongest militaries, the amplest technology, and most importantly, a centrally located geography. So why didn't it? The answer is the printing press. It didn't take advantage of Chinese discoveries in paper and the movable type, which predated printing in the west by a long shot. 

    It had the right alphabet for printing. Like English yet unlike Chinese, Arabic had a manageable number of characters. It was also fortuitous in being closer than the west to Eastern developments in printing. Surely, it could have borrowed from the Chinese much sooner than Gutenberg did in the 15th century for a press that would eventually revolutionize literacy and learning around the globe.

    But its culture was so mired by religious conservatism that printing could never get off the ground. It was seen as blasphemous to write anything about the Koran, which was seen as written by "God"; more value was placed on memorizing it. Thus, the Koran was never distributed the way the Bible was in the west, creating a roadblock for printing that would stifle the communication of ideas in the Middle East.

    Gutenberg's printing press allowed communication to flourish in western Europe. And with it came advantages in accounting, politics, law, cartography, teaching, medicine, infrastructure, and the spread of news and ideas that would accelerate prosperity for all its nations. It was fuel for the "Protestant Ethic" that Max Weber believed had motivated western Christians to prosper, a religious counterpart to Islamic stagnation. While the Arab world was clinging to religion, the west embraced a progressive medium, and it never looked back. By the time printing was welcome in the Arab world, it was too late.

Source:

Boorstin, Daniel J. The Discoverers. 1983. Pages 539-547.

Precision

     A dark horse of adulthood is precision. It will steal your dreams, expose them to perfection, discourage you from achieving them. You dream of being an architect, a writer, a cartographer, a dancer, a meteorologist. Precision turns them all into sciences to be dissected and analyzed exhaustively until any creative freedom you had expires. You begin to resent the choices you made, assuming the path wasn't how you thought it would be. The career you envisioned was a child's vision of pleasurable drawings or freestyle movements that made you feel complete, like you were attaining your ultimate purpose.
    My advice is to pick a career that isn't your dream. Your dream should be your hobby, not the precision-based career you've dedicated your life to society with. Precision careers belong in networks that help societies function; truly creative ones belong in your heart. It's because we are a precision society, not an artistic one. To keep the system going, we must all be precision warriors that keep our souls locked in consumerist prisons. Precision clouds our aesthetic appreciation for creative works, including the entire natural world. That is how science became godless.

Accounting Monthly Checklist

 I thought I would share a monthly checklist at my accounting job. It's a checklist I made that helps me keep track of everything I need to do in a monthly cycle. Some cycles are quarterly, so I don't always do them in a given month. Others are annual. The quarterly and annual ones are color-coded in a way that makes sense. After I've completed a task, I mark it off in a check box next to the due date.

Diapason, World of Music

Song trails that slither from first listen

Within earshot of audial artists

Who breathe life into the land

Lead the way to uncharted territory

Through their borderless kingdoms.

Behold their familiar capitals,

Where each road diverges

Into the contours of soundscapes

Broadcast from instrumental towers

Legislated by each musician.

They summon sentimental chords

Eroding the land to polished stone

Sculpting its terrain like the wind

Cast from a heavenly harp's crown.

The heartland is Osborne, endless prairie 

Where banjos strum with big sky drums,

Grains and grasses reach for heaven

As the whiskey dogs round up crops

For the weekend hoedown by the river.

Strong brethren till the soil, saluting the sun

That beats off the chrome of their trucks,

Providing for family and community,

Hearts and hands calloused from all the labor,

Proud of their purpose, grateful for the seasons.

Under Blue Lab Ocean neon cities exfoliate

From relaxing reggae the island canopy sank

Sea deep through funky coral rhapsodized

By delightful rap ripe jazz vibes rising

From the groovy lounges of conch shells. 

Amphibian commuters surf the waves

Ridin' the flow, chillin' with millions of beats

Blown breezy 'round tropical bays,

The frothy emergence of galactic night

In tune with the disco town lagoons.

In Birthday metropolis the dying light fragments

Rainbows bridged by keys purple and black,

Shattered by urban melancholy excesses,

Where children subjected to lost innocence

Brace the cold rain with lovelorn abandon.

They hop over puddles as the sky falls

Cast by distortion of broken guitar clouds,

Their rabbit ears flailing under red stars,

Toys floundering from the stratospheric flood,

Celebrating a year that surrendered to horror.

Moving south over mountains mocha

The Volta Desert opens, vast as fading outros,

Behemoth sandstorms on blemished horizon

Littering skeletal remains of aborted trumpets

Across the barren hardpan to dusty shards.

Orange gypsy nuns lug goliath corpses

Unearthed from the umbilical depths

Over hazardous waste of drum-stricken halos,

Traipsing under the hazy chromosphere,

Melted skinless by apex octave gamma rays.

The mountains of Cusco are limestone wonders

With soaring cliffs that dazzle villagers

Living in valleys, listening religiously to monks 

Who play flutes from their peak-born temples,

Sliding their notes down slopes by arboreal wind.

Purity of alpine sound evokes a mystery

That people living above clouds know best,

A celebrated tranquility bestowed by isolation

Marrying wisdom to the supernal rhythm,

An ancient ritual inviting spirits from beyond.

Beyond the rim lies the Mushroom forest

Where synthesizers entrance gnome electricians

Sparking up in the stems where they dwell,

Tending to gardens under the caps by day,

Strung out at strobe light raves by night.

Bioluminescent fungi trips the nocturnal brush

Snuffed over by smoke and lanterns hanging

From tall evergreens that shelter the shrooms,

A twilit psychedelic apocalypse swelling

To a distant salvation, sprinkled by bells.

Rush hour half-light splits the Satriani maze,

Traffic plucked apart by freeway shredders

Who shoot pinball tremolos up skyscrapers

To decorate the atmosphere in blue dream lightning,

Silhouettes reflected off the front stage waterfront.

Clean patterns of windows laminate the orbital

Delta-v towers that protect virtuoso aliens

From bass-blown shockwaves in the wormhole,

Powering the grid by strings bent to thrashing,

Amplified by their crystal planet overlords.

Below ground in the Toolshed caverns

Miners toil with their drumstick pickaxes

Pounding through the tympanic rubble, seeking

Wholeness in passionate screams that echo

Down corridors of a mathematical temple.

The holy grail is near, they roar with anger,

Heavy breath forged from speleothem vapors

Acidified by stalactite ceilings arrayed

In synchronized percussion that percolates

To the bottom, where purest metal is truth.

In the north, at the roof of the world lies Airland,

Where ice fairies play harps in the clouds

That pinwheel the wind, scattering it south

In snowy amnesia over glacier-white plateaus,

Carried aloft to the continents by violin jet streams.

Floating in ethereal vortices are piano sheets

Crafted by elven birds that carried the notes

Over tundra and frozen seas to soothe each storm

With albino keys of peace, gyrating radians

In polar coordinates that mandate all motion.

Radiohead is a foggy coast,

Santana a festive jungle,

Delerium a valley of waterfalls,

Beach House a sandy Mecca,

Snarky Puppy a sultry swamp,

Lacuna a volcano of torture,

Farish a tropical dune wonderland,

Kamasi a cosmic space port,

And you know the rest.

Kids

     Kids are the best anti-aging supplement. They keep you young by reminding you how amusing the simple things are. A year lasts forever in their world, while they seem to get shorter as you grow old. Their perception of time inevitably dilutes yours, so that the years feel shorter than they otherwise would. Kids take your wasteful time spent on fruitless endeavors and turn them into meaningful adventures, full of memorable moments that aid in making time elastic.
    You will never have more fun than when you are with kids. Their laughter is contagious, spreading waves of joy in positive neurochemistry to all your extremities. If laughter is the best medicine, fun is the cure for many ailments, and nothing generates more fun than kids.

    Your mental health is in mint condition around kids. They don't judge, they don't care how you look, they won't put you down for saying something stupid or for making a mistake. Most of them won't, anyway. They will love you unconditionally, even if you are not family. All it takes is a little care and attention.

    Anything can and does happen around kids. Their imaginations are so free that they lift your spirit with each new creative act. Possibility and optimism become tethered to your weary soul, deflating the weight of the world on your shoulders. Every new thought they have, every achievement, no matter how minor, is a beacon of pride for your self-esteem.

    Their innocence makes you feel reborn. You see your reflection in their eyes, their faces, their bodies, their personalities, their behaviors. You become younger vicariously through them, as if you are reliving your own childhood but with the benefit of your wisdom. You can help them make the choices you didn't, correcting mistakes that made you age faster. And chances are, they will like the same things you did as a kid, presenting opportunities to relive new things for the first time.

    Knowing they will pass down your genes and knowledge will make you feel eternal. But don't have kids just to benefit yourself. Have them to benefit them, your family, the community, and the world. Treat them as you wanted the world to treat you. They will show you the path to innocence, as long as you're willing to return.

The Star Kiss: A Standing Meditation for Long Office Hours

    I have discovered a new standing meditation, called the Star Kiss. If you're an office worker who sits for long hours behind a computer screen, it may benefit you to practice this daily, or whenever you feel like you need a rest. Ideally it will relieve your stress and ground your energy. You can use it in places where it is difficult to sit, or if you don't want anyone to see you. 

    I've found that it helps me recharge faster during a short break, so I can stretch my leg muscles, rest my eyes, and clear my mind from the residue of hard mental work. Here are the instructions:

    1. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, knees straight. Try to relax your position. This is not a yoga pose, meaning you shouldn't feel any strain from balancing your muscles.

    2. Hold your hands behind your back, just above the buttocks.

    3. Close your eyes and elevate your head. If you're tall, elevate more to stretch any neck muscles that cramp up from looking down too much.

    4. Breathe in and out deeply, like you would in a sitting meditation.

    5. Focus on the third eye chakra, as this is where stress tends to clutter in the mind. This is the chakra of vision. You can imagine you are in a peaceful setting or try not to think at all. The key is to allow the flow of energy out of this chakra and into the others through deep, steady breathing. When you inhale, imagine the good energy from other chakras rising to your brain; as you exhale, imagine the bad energy leaving it.

    If you have carpal tunnel syndrome, try stretching your wrist muscles as you hold your hands behind your back.

    You can do this for however long you like. Even just a minute of standing meditation will help clear your mind. I wouldn't go more than 10 minutes though, or your legs could tire and you might lose focus. It is definitely of the short variety, for fast, effective relief.