Dream Trap Erotomania

  And you were there in the auditorium when Enigma played Sadeness as I watched you from afar like I always do, wondering how fate could bring us together again after being apart so long. When the haunting chants ended he proposed to you the bright one wearing pink, bright as the ocean sunset that overlay waters serene, and your face lit up with joyful tears as you said yes and we locked eyes and I knew forever I would always be too late. Like Jack when he met Rose on the Titanic and their love drowned in the ocean deep with my teenage failures chained to your eternal grace. My sorrow meant nothing to you, you couldn't see me, you never even tried.

 And I imagined dancing to Ottmar Liebert's Santa Fe with you twirling around me wearing a Spanish dress that tried to outshine you but inevitably couldn't. And though it was forbidden to dance with you, to love you, to merely set eyes on you, I did it anyway because I didn't care what they thought and for once neither did you. And I imagined us running away down the coast, listening to Just Like Heaven on a golden California bay, where you kissed me kissed me kissed me and said we should get married, become beach bums and spend our 20s exploring the west.

 And then it became too much for me, how much better you were than me, how much more charm you had than me, that I tried too hard and messed with your head, even though I didn't mean to, it's the kind of thing that happens when I get bored.

 And then I was on some lost lake beach in the mountains with Black echoing from the stars and you were gone, all gone, left me on the turnpike with a couple towels and my sorrow to burn in the summer sun, tattooed to charcoal by the anger you dented my soul with. And I went to find you on the county line to tell you I'm sorry, but I saw you in his house as I stood in the rain, you weren't alone though you were still the same, you'll always be the steady drain in my heart. And you had children, I couldn't believe it, so I planted a tree for them, watched them grow through the years playing under them, a ghost they couldn't see who protected them without you knowing.

And then I woke up in my room alone, just a boy again hearing Adam's Song on the radio and I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again if I decided to stop going to school. I tried for one more day but all I could think about was everyone watching me and wanting to go home, struggling to keep up, failing at everything, even suicide. My shrink convinced me I wasn't supposed to love you, that it's impossible because I didn't even know you, but what the hell does he know about love, I was with you every day for a whole year. And that's when I decided against that future because I couldn't wait for you to come around, but in my dreams I'm waiting, always waiting, until it's too late, until my entire life has passed me by. It's like being trapped, trapped in you, trapped in a paralysis of fear of talking to you, oh God, please let me out please let me escape her please let me be free of the truth.

Geo-certified

  I just finished my self-selected curriculum in geography. The goal was to read textbooks about every facet of geography that interests me, so that I may be an actual master by my own standards. Along with finishing my academic master's, this completes a long journey I've been on for three or four years, researching every region of the globe, analyzing most geographic topics offered at university level. The books I completed in the last three days to round out the journey were:

 Dragons and Tigers: A Geography of South, East and Southeast Asia

 GIS Tutorial 3: Advanced Workbook

 World Geography 7: Antarctica, Australia, and the Pacific

 A detailed list of the curriculum can be found on my Goodreads empire, under the geography-travel shelf. I had similar goals with history (complete) and science (to complete by December). Accounting is the final one, but it is not interesting enough to keep me going. Nonetheless I will probably do accounting for the rest of my career, unless a miracle happens.

Twin Paradox

 They who witnessed the ancient marriage
 Of science and religion
 Built the 12 houses of astrology,
 Reigning supreme over all faiths
 For hundreds of years.
 But gradually, the word of Augustine
 Endured a schism 

 Between faith and reason
 By positing the lives of twins
 Are often at odds,
 As Jacob's and Esau's had been.
 If two souls are born
 At the same time and place
 Yet lead vastly different lives,
 How can astrology be true?

 The missing ingredient, Karma,
 Paused the grand rotation,
 Exclaiming that forces beyond the stars
 Govern the fate of souls,
 But that souls given astral imprint
 Were thus influenced by cosmic motions.
 And the world kept turning
 As science and religion entwined
 After being at odds for centuries,
 Twins born from the same instinct
 Writing vastly different stories
 Only to share the same ending.

The Selfishness Equation

  My wife said something very wise in bed today. "Nobody is completely selfless. We are all selfish at something." It's true. I am selfish about eating. When I'm hungry I don't wait for people to join me, or let them have first bite, unless I am a guest. I always have the first bite, even when my kids are hungry. I am also selfish when delivering, taking only good offers when others need the money more than me.

 My wife is selfish at cleaning. She will vacuum around us when we're still eating, or watching a show, and she's completely aware that it bothers us.

 Many people who give a lot to others are only trying to make themselves feel better. They are doing it to improve their own feelings, not necessarily out of a desire to help others.

 Even religious people who most renounce selfishness to achieve nirvana or sainthood may only be doing it to improve their karma, not out of innate goodness or a moral imperative to do the right thing.

 This isn't to say we are all selfish. The true measure of selfishness is a three-fold set of variables: the grand total of the things we are selfish about, the degree to which we are selfish about them, and how significant they are. For example, being selfish about needing space on the bus is not as significant as being selfish by cutting people off driving at high speeds. If a sociologist were to list every single individual and their corresponding selfishness scores, each would have a composite score representing the totality of their selfishness. It would all be relative to the mean score, sort of like IQ (intelligence quotient).

Weighing all possible measures of selfishness, most people are far more selfless than selfish. Most of us are aware of the things that bother others, and we do our best to be nice. The optimist in me clearly sees that all the selfless behaviors we make, including not acting on our impulses, or the first thought that comes to our heads, far outweighs the selfish ones. If everyone was a 100% selfish, without making any sacrifice for the greater good of society, we would be living in lawless anarchy. This is the social contract Roussea had written about three centuries ago. People are inherently unselfish enough to keep their communities running, but selfish enough at particular behaviors to make the appearance of being it.

Top 1000 Songs of the 1980s

   Below is my compilation of the top songs of the 1980s, based on popularity, cultural significance, landmark albums, play counts, and personal affections. Play counts derived from my profile at last.fm: skydude13579’s Music Profile | Last.fm

Ariel's Lament

 You saw him aboard the ship
 Playing a fife in some far-off fantasy
 Where he was the prince of your dreams,
 The man who could save you
 From all the pressures of the deep.
 You wanted to come on land, with him,
 To hear him play the music every day
 While you sang along, seducing
 The land to your aquatic arias,
 A siren's love at first sight.
 He danced around on the planks
 While your heart melted,
 Sending your mind to enchantment,
 Young love dripping from a violin's bow.
 You saw the future, saw marrying him,
 Fathering your child,
 Helping you through the crass world
 After your parents refused.
 You saw in his face what the boy's father
 Couldn't give you, a steady presence,
 A loyal provider, strong enough to care,
 A transformer of fins to legs.
 The passion stormed through you,
 Igniting your fiery hair,
 Burning through every truth
 That mocked your happy ending.
 A sea witch will steal your voice,
 A tragic monster living inside you
 Thwarting all the stability desired.

Curmudgeoned by Sanderson: The Stormlight Archive Conclusion

  This review is on book 5 Wind and Truth, midway between the entire series, which is supposed to be 10 books long.

 Journey before destination. Sure, if you can live that long. And buy more books full of overindulgent wankery like books 4-5 in The Stormlight Archive. I didn't invest in 7,000 pages of intriguing, strong characters to become consumed by their grief, to be trapped in their heads while a beautiful world falls apart. I love Sanderson when he isn't damning his creation to storm ash and transforming his heroes into patients for a PTSD group therapy session. Half the time it felt like I was reading Dalinar watch the History Channel, or Shallan confusing herself for a new persona, or Kaladin getting blown further off course by his nervous breakdown. The dude's arc went from unsung hero to the sidekick shrink of someone with even bigger issues, and as far away from the main action as possible. But hey, at least he can cook and play the flute now, right? Adolin seemed like the only one who kept his head straight, yet even he had chapters serving no other purpose than ruminating on self-doubt.

 Most of the book has no relation to the core series of events. It shifts POV so prolifically, and with so much inner dialogue riddled by impossible questions, that it meanders like a teenager's diary. Despite its flaws, even at page 1,200 it still had potential to be one of the greatest series ever written. But instead of concluding it simply like he did in the first two (more successful) books, Sanderson chose to make it even more complex, a la the George Martin syndrome, where the ending should be simple, but gets confounded by trying too hard to be unpredictable. There are twists that oddly kill off all that made the heroes of Roshar great, typically through resolving an unnecessary character arc, or by introducing some weird new magic trick to move things in a more convenient direction (there is a deus ex machina every 50 pages). I was so anxious from all the repetition and hype surrounding the Contest of Champions that I found myself begging for an old-fashioned resolution but got "Retribution" instead.

 The biggest surprise though was Sanderson's attempt to justify this utterly sad ending- which Wit calls brilliant- as if he needed some way of soothing his die-hard fans or keeping their mojo going for another five books. The payoff for sticking with this, if there is one, isn't worth it for me at this point in the series. The Stormlight Archive is so brilliant that it became a victim of its own success; full of fantastic ideas that are so drawn out that they ultimately fail to keep the reader interested, especially after a dismal pause in events.

8/7

 Now that some time has passed, I have come to appreciate more where this wild journey has taken me. There is a dark ending to this one, something he is not known for. I believe I've been a bit spoiled by him in that regard. In the long run it is no less of a shattering outcome than The Empire Strikes Back, Avatar: Earth, or Game of Thrones. Though I still believe these tragic arcs should have taken place much earlier in the series, it was wrong of me to think it has lost its place among the greats. So long as Kaladin is alive, there is still time for a real retribution. I also believe that by the uniting the shards, Odium will never be the same, for the power of honor will compel him to consider better options. Odium will now be torn between what's right and what's wrong, as indicated by his last thought in the book, the one where he realized Dalinar had torn down his philosophy. Though he has more power now, I'm not sold that he'll always use it for destruction. Plus, he needs to hide from the other shards since they've been alerted to his perversion. So at least the war is over, for now. But 90% of Roshar is still scorched and run by the Fused, and many of our friends could not reunite. Still a sad ending.

 The way I see it now, two individuals who are already very powerful effectively doubled their power: Taravangian, who doubled it with the power of honor, and Kaladin, who doubled it by becoming King of the Heralds. If Taravangian attacks, Kaladin is Roshar's only hope.