Preventing Sleep Paralysis: Combat Old Hag, Witch Riding Your Back, and Lucid Demon Nightmares

   If you’ve ever woken up paralyzed and thought you heard, saw, or felt something pressing down on you, then relax, because you're not alone.  Sleep paralysis is what you experienced, and it can happen to anyone, anywhere.  Most people who have had this type of encounter describe it as the worst experience imaginable.  The terror felt during sleep paralysis is on the same level as being held at gunpoint: you feel like your life is in jeopardy, or like something seriously dangerous can happen to you.  99.9 percent of the time, people wake up from sleep paralysis within five minutes of it starting, so you should never be worried about actually getting hurt. 

    Sleep paralysis, for those who are unaware, is a sleep disorder which causes people to wake up paralyzed, unable to speak, and, in rare cases, become subjected to hallucinations of frightening entities taunting and straddling them.  It’s fairly common among the population; about one in three people have had or will have a case of it throughout their lives.  Medically, not much is known about sleep paralysis, or why it happens.  However, if your condition is chronic, there are steps you can take to make it less frequent. 

    The event most frequently occurs during naps or periods of sleep deprivation.  Make sure you are getting enough sleep and go to bed at the same time every night so your body’s circadian rhythm isn’t throw out of line.  The circadian rhythm is the body’s default timing system for falling asleep and waking up.  Basically, the body doesn’t like being argued with, so don’t mess with it or you'll have to face its wrath.  Also, people who sleep on their backs seem to get it more than people who sleep on their stomachs.  I sleep on my stomach all the time, and I get it more often than practically anyone, so that tip doesn’t bode well for folks like me.  Try doing it anyway, because different things work for different people, and hopefully it will work for you. 

    Screaming, fighting, kicking, and trying to get your spouse's attention won’t help.  In fact, you can’t even speak during an episode, and all the energy wasted trying to fight your way out of it can make it harder to wake up.  Physically, the best thing to do is to focus on one body part, like a finger or a toe, and try to wiggle it.  This aims to focus your nervous system on minute details about the environment, instead of subjecting it to a jerky panic attack that reinforces the surrounding scene and makes you feel more helpless. 

    If you’re like me and none of the basic remedies work, you need a more advanced strategy.  As a seasoned veteran of handling sleep paralysis attacks, my best advice is to try your best to remain calm and not allow any entities to play tricks on you.  Whether these entities are actual apparitions or just hallucinations is irrelevant; either way you look at it, ignoring them is the best way to prevent them from making the situation worse.  Your emotional state will determine the longevity of the attack.  If you are afraid, then it makes the entity or hallucination easier to harass you. 

    When emotional manipulation doesn't work, what you can do to combat the worst demons is try to visualize angels or use prayers during the attack.  Think about an orb of brightness illuminating the space above your bed and whisper a passage out of something like the Bible or Koran.  Some people even go all out and put incense, crosses, jade Buddhas, voodoo dolls, and mandalas around their beds (yes, I’ve had to resort to this).  Religion seems to be the most powerful force against the worst of these episodes.  As a disclaimer, I am not Christian; rather I believe in a mixture of all religions, which is called Bahai, or pantheism. 

    Whatever you do, don’t let the attacks make you so afraid that you are unable to fall asleep.  This is how a demon (literal or metaphorical) can trick you into possessing you; by depriving you of sleep even more, it makes you weaker and more susceptible to their influence.  This happened to me once, and I got so psychotic that I was worried I’d never be able to sleep again.  The paralysis would occur every time I fell asleep, simply because I was obsessed with it, worrying that it would happen again.  If you find yourself unable to think about anything else while falling asleep, consider listening to guided meditation with your eyes closed.  It relaxes you and takes your mind away from the apprehension of being haunted. 

    As you gain more experience in dealing with these pests, it becomes easier for you to combat any spirits.  The main thing you want to do is always remain fearless.  Train your mind to block the fear, because that’s the biggest thing that empowers your nightly stalkers.  Remember, they can only hurt you if you let them.  Some people say that the power to tap into other side is a gift from God, but in reality, it's as much of a curse as it is a blessing. 

The Greatest NBA Players of All Time

    Chamberlain vs Jabbar.  Magic Johnson vs Larry Bird.  Michael Jordan vs Lebron James.  People can debate all they want about who is the best player, but an objective analysis is the only way to find out who it really is.  Here, heavy consideration is taken for field goal percentages, statistics, who people played with, clutch performances, and to a lesser extent, NBA titles.  Stats don’t always determine the value of one’s ability, so heart and effort have been taken into consideration as well.  Raw career totals, like Jabbar’s and Malone’s, are irrelevant.  Rather, the greatest single season of each respective player, in conjuncture with the least amount of talent surrounding them, is used as the strongest case for statistical measure in this analysis.  This is due to the fact that special abilities, chemistry, and double-teams often enhance the statistics of multiple top 50 players if they happen to be on the same team. 
 
1.  Wilt Chamberlain.  Wilt was a physical and statistical phenomenon.  He was arguably stronger than Shaquille O’neal, and he had the athletic ability of a guard.  He’s done some things on the basketball court that most analysts couldn’t believe was ever possible, like scoring 100 points in a game and blocking shots from above the backboard.  People say that Wilt was only able to put up big numbers because he played against weak competition back in the 60’s.  That is preposterous, because an aging Chamberlain dominated Kareem in his prime, and Kareem faced many of the modern greats in the late 80‘s when he was still one of the most valuable centers in the league. 
 
I put him above Jordan because his statistical value is unparalleled.  The guy averaged 50 points per game for an entire season, over 20 rebounds per game throughout his career, and probably over 5 blocks per game as well.  He was the most skilled all-around big man the league has ever seen, and it’s no secret that a dominant center is more valuable than a dominant guard.  Chamberlain is also the only man I could ever see defeating Michael Jordan in a seven game one on one series. 
 
2.  Michael Jordan.  The name speaks for itself; Mike had no flaws whatsoever.  One season he averaged 32 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, 3 steals, and 1 block per game.  There’s nothing I can say about him that hasn’t been said already. 
 
3.  LeBron James.  He may not be number 3 right now, but when it’s all said and done I think he will.  Right now, the only thing keeping him from being in the top 5 of all time on other people’s lists is his ability to make big plays at the end of games, but lately he has been showing improvement.  If we’re going by titles, people forget that it took Michael Jordan until he was 27 to win his first NBA title, and it’s also taken LeBron James that long.  I would not be surprised if he won 6-8 titles this decade. 
 
As far as I’m concerned, he isn’t even comparable to Kobe Bryant.  His value is clearly superior when you look at the stats, and the fact that both players had virtually no talent surrounding themselves in 2007 indicates that LeBron did more for his team than Kobe did, since the Cavs reached the finals and the Lakers got ousted in an early round.  Not only that, but LeBron was only 22 that year, and Kobe was in his prime. 
 
4.  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.  They said his skyhook was unstoppable, but Chamberlain was able to block it a number of times when Jabbar was in his early prime.  Without a doubt, the most impressive thing about Kareem was his longevity.  He played for 20 seasons, was a six-time MVP, and a 19-time all star.  I don’t think his championship victories qualify him as the best center ever, because he always had other top 50 players on his team, like Oscar Robertson and Magic Johnson.  Wilt Chamberlain was able to win an NBA title without any other top 50 players. 
 
5.  Larry Bird.  Larry’s stats don’t jump out at you as being the most spectacular, but he is arguably the most clutch player of all time.  Heart, strength, intelligence, and determination are what powered his game.  Even though he had a lot of great teammates, I put him ahead of Magic Johnson because Magic had more talent than Bird surrounding him.  Kareem, Worthy, and Cooper vs McHale, Parrish, and... Dennis Johnson?  I’ll take the Lakers’ supporting cast over the Celtics any day. 
 
6.  Hakeem Olajuwon.  This pick at number 6 may surprise a lot of people, but Hakeem Olajuwon is the most underrated center in the history of this game.  I’d take Hakeem over Shaq because he was more clutch, he was quicker, and he played better defense.  His post-up moves are hands down the best I’ve ever seen.  If you aren’t moved by his graceful post-up game, then you don’t have a soul!  It’s true that Shaq won more championships, but Shaq always had either Kobe or Dwyane Wade.  Hakeem had an old Clyde Drexler, and that was only for one of his two titles. 
 
7.  Magic Johnson.  I won’t dispute that he was best point guard ever.  Stockton was more intelligent, but his physique was too small to do the kinds of things Magic did for his team.  Unfortunately, Magic’s turnovers were always high when they shouldn’t have been, since he had the best supporting cast of the 80’s.  He had some mindblowing stats, but I think he’s a bit overrated.  Without Kareem he probably wouldn’t be in the top 10. 
 
8.  Dwyane Wade.  The only thing Dwyane Wade has done poorer than Kobe Bryant in is free throw percentage.  He’s even just as clutch, if not better than Kobe.  He’s highly underrated these days because he has LeBron James on his team.  In my opinion they are the best duo of all time, just edging out Magic and Kareem, only because they were never in their prime together. 
 
9.  Tim Duncan.  Tim won four titles, but he always had good teammates surrounding him, and a phenomenal coach.  Regardless, he’s in the top ten because he seems to always make the right decision on the court.  He has one of the highest basketball IQs in the history of basketball, and that is especially effective when you’re a big man. 
 
10.  Oscar Robertson.  Yeah it was in the early 60s, but the guy averaged a triple double over 5 straight seasons.  That’s just remarkable.  It’s a stat that’s almost as unbelievable as Wilt scoring 100 points in a single game. 
 
11.  Shaquille O’neal.  The only statistic he really dominated in was field goal percentage.  His liability at the free throw line wouldn’t have fared well against clutch teams, and in the early 2000s there weren’t very many of those around.  An overlooked thing about Shaq’s value is that he could easily keep guys offensively off balance, due to his strength.  I just don't think it’s enough to put him ahead of Duncan. 
 
12.  John Stockton.  This pesky little beast averaged over 12 assists per game for 8 straight seasons, which is another stat that may never be broken.  He was an extremely intelligent player, and Karl Malone’s statistics owe a great debt to John’s decision making skills.  I took John over Karl because of their wide difference in clutch ability.  In the final minute of game 6, John single-handedly took out the 1997 Rockets, a team with three top 20 players on this list, in one of the most overlooked postseason performances ever.  If it weren’t for that, the Rockets may have won another title that year. 
 
13.  Kevin Garnett.  Garnett was on an awful team for most of his prime.  At the tail end of his prime, he was finally able to surround himself with talent, and was clearly the MVP of the 2008 title-winning Celtics’ “big three”.  Kevin’s game is pretty much flawless; he was a juggernaut on offense, defense, effort, and stamina. 
 
14.  David Robinson.  David gets a lot of flack for his playoff blunders, but when you look at his stats its pretty incredible what he was able to accomplish.  His ’91-92 season is one of the greatest in NBA history; he shot 55% from field, averaged 23.3 points, 12.2  rebounds, 2.3 steals, and 4.5 blocks per game.  I don’t think it’s fair to solely blame David for the Spurs tanking in the playoffs during the mid-90s, because he didn’t have strong players surrounding him like Hakeem did on the Rockets.  They went from 59-23 to 20-62 after he got injured, which is comparable to how the Cavs did after LeBron James left Cleveland. 
 
15.  Chris Paul.  A lot of people rank him as low as third or fourth among active point guards, and some don’t even put in the top five.  How is this possible?  He is among the top point guards in just about every statistical category.  Low turnovers, good in the clutch... He hasn’t come close to making it to the finals, but I have a feeling the Clippers will make some noise in the next few years. 
 
16.  Clyde Drexler.  Drexler was the only player who could match Michael Jordan’s stats on any given night.  Not only was he a good rebounder, but he shot a high percentage, passed well, and played quality defense.  He took the Blazers to the finals in 1992 without any other top 50 players, and the league was very competitive in those years. 
 
17.  Charles Barkley.  I put Drexler ahead of Barkley because the 1993 Suns’ role players were stronger than Clyde’s 1992 Blazers (both teams that lost in the finals to the Bulls).  The amazing thing about Charles is that he was able to shoot 59% from the field and average 12 rebounds per game, even though he was 4-6 inches shorter than other big men. 
 
18.  Bill Russell.  Russell is in the top 10 on most people’s lists, but the fact of the matter is that he only shot in the low 40s throughout his career.  For a big man, that’s a stat reserved for the worst in any given year.  Nevertheless, he was the most valuable defensive player of all time, the second or third greatest rebounder (with Chamberlain and Rodman), and the greatest reason why they won 11 championships. 
 
19.  Moses Malone.  I only put him behind Barkley because his field goal percentage was lower.  Moses had better players surrounding him as well, such as Julius Erving, Maurice Cheeks, and Andrew Toney.  In fact, Charles and all these players were briefly on the same team together, but it was only for his first couple seasons. 
 
20.  Scottie Pippen.  Scottie is the best perimeter defender I’ve ever seen.  Because he was overshadowed by Jordan, it’s difficult to gauge his real place in the top 50.  To get a better sense of his real value, you have to look at the 1993-94 season, the one in which Jordan had temporarily left the Bulls.  That year, Scottie shot 48%, had 8.1 rebounds, 5.2 assists, 2.9 steals, and 1.1 blocks per game.  Those all-around stats were some of the best in the league that year.  If it weren’t for a bogus call agains the Knicks in the 1994 playoffs, they might have gone all the way to the finals, without Michael Jordan.  
 
21.  Patrick Ewing.  Patrick Ewing was a dominant force, but he was just a little too slow for guys like Hakeem and Robinson.  The sad thing about Ewing is that he’s most known for getting dunked on, when he should be praised for putting in so much effort every time someone went up for a shot. 
 
22.  Dirk Nowitzki.  I won’t be the first to admit that Dirk’s defense is deplorable, but his offensive game is simply unstoppable.  He took the Mavs to the finals in 2006, without any other top 50 players.  And he lead them to a finals victory in 2011, again without any other top 50 players. 
 
23.  Gary Payton.  Known for his relentless trash talking and swagger, The Glove had a tremendous all-around game.  If it weren’t for having to face the greatest team of all time (’96 Bulls) in the finals, he might be wearing two rings instead of one.  I put him behind Chris Paul because CP3 just barely edges him out in most statistical categories, and they’re about the same in turnovers and clutch. 
 
24.  Julius Erving 
25.  Reggie Miller 
26.  Karl Malone 
27.  Kobe Bryant.  This ranking deserved an article of its own.  Click here. 
28.  Elgin Baylor 
29.  Rick Barry 
30.  Steve Nash 
31.  Dominique Wilkins 
32.  Jerry West 
33.  Isaiah Thomas 
34.  Dwight Howard 
35.  Elvin Hayes 
36.  Maurice Cheeks 
37.  John Havlicek 
38.  Bob Lanier 
39.  Pau Gasol 
40.  Willis Reed 
41.  Paul Pierce 
42.  Wes Unseld 
43.  Pete Maravich 
44.  George Gervin 
45.  Walt Frazier 
46.  Nate Thurmond 
47.  Kevin McHale 
48.  Dennis Rodman 
49.  Ray Allen 
50.  Alex English 
 
Honorable mentions:  Kevin Durant, Derrick Rose.  They’re simply too young to rank at this point. 
 
Allen Iverson and Carmello Anthony didn’t make this list because they are not intelligent players, their shot selection is poor, and they don’t play defense.  It isn’t any wonder that Carmello has never been able to get out of the first round of the playoffs. 
 
Alex English 
Adrian Dantley 
Chris Webber 
Vince Carter 
Shawn Kemp 
James Worthy 
Alonzo Mourning 
Allen Iverson 
Robert Parish 
Bob Pettit 

Jason Kidd