Love Yourself

The most important thing to know before falling in love is that you must love yourself before it happens.  If you don't, then the person you love gets put on a pedestal.  You become co-dependent, meaning they control your happiness, and you are much easier to control in general.  You lose yourself to the other person in your weak attempt to place all the grief you've ever suffered in their arms.  Your expectations of them are unreasonable, because you place so much importance on them that the slightest disruption of the ideal version of them you've imagined makes you feel threatened.  It's not a good way to live. 

Loving yourself means coming to terms with your grief, forgiving those who wronged you, allowing all the emotional energy you've used to keep it inside drain out.  Only then can you heal enough to occupy that space with the love of yourself, as it was before your emotional trauma crippled you.  By then, you'll be able to fall in love without being so dependent on the other's approval. 

You need people and they need you.  You have much to offer in a society that requires your participation.  If you don't feel like participating, you can't blame anyone but yourself, for not allowing yourself to be useful.  People love you, they want to be with you, even if you aren't nice to them.  If you haven't been nice, reach out and apologize, you'd be surprised how many people would forgive you. 

Love yourself by forgiving yourself and forgiving others.  If they can't forgive you, they are the ones lost and you must give them room to let them grow.  Love yourself for that special skill you have, whether it be in the arts, sciences, or anything in between.  Hone it, develop it, perfect it.  That will help you best in your journey to finding an identity.  Love yourself for the potential you have, it will help you reach your goals and a broader spiritual fulfillment.  Realize that all mistakes are lessons to be learned, and you will be well on your way.