Emotional Repression in Men

Feminists like to complain about gender biases in our society, and rightly so, but we men have some gripes of our own.   Early on we are taught that feminine qualities in men like compassion, beauty, and sadness are shunned upon.   Society doesn’t allow us to cry in public- and even in our inner circles- without humiliating ourselves.   We are forced to swallow our tears due to the expectations people have on us.   Likewise, we are trained to repress our fears in order to appear strong.   Hollywood does a good job depicting the ideal man as an impenetrable, ironclad hero who isn’t afraid of anything.  But in reality, the best heroes are the ones who aren’t afraid to cry at a good film, or after the loss of a loved one.  

The mass repression of emotions in men has been detrimental to society.   Our doctrine of nonchalance and carelessness when it comes to domestic issues is directly related to the number of divorces, abandonments, and other abuses in many households.  When boys are taught discipline by violent means, it tells them that wrath is an emotion to be valued, not love.  When our fathers leave us, it teaches us that being there for our family isn’t as important as being there for ourselves.  Repressing our childhood traumas means that the only way we can express them is through re-enacting them.   We can’t talk to anyone about them, use them to create art, or take a time out just to soak in the sadness, because we are so worried about what people might think of our feelings, or how vulnerable we’ll appear.  Men are trained to always be moving, reacting, appearing confident and powerful, using our wrath to enhance our dominance.   It’s a vicious cycle that applies to many women as well, but the social expectation of men to hide (and in extreme cases, deny) their weaknesses is unfair and frankly sexist. 

Men should be taught that it’s ok to open their hearts, release the tension, ask for a hug and give one without feeling awkward.  We need to know that our feelings matter, that we shouldn’t need to solely rely on our mother’s advice for emotional problems.  A good father should give excellent practical advice, but he should also be there when we we're feeling down.  A good father doesn’t tell us to “man up” and “quit crying like a girl”.  We need to be shown that sadness is ok, that anger is not as good as we make it out to be, that it’s ok to shed some tears when someone is watching.  We need to be shown that beauty and art are sacred things that move the heart and help us follow our dreams.  Most importantly, we need to know that it’s ok to be afraid, because nothing teaches the value of life more than fear does. Without it we take life for granted, seeking only to please ourselves.