Razzle Dazzle

Once upon a time a fruitling was skipping along on the fields of a sun-soaked plain outside of Dazzle, the capital city of the Ivory Empire.  The fruitling was hopping around with his only friend, an android named EZ8.  The robot beeped along behind the boy as he hummed a song, with butterflies flying around them.  The wind blew the notes along, carrying with it the melodies of airborne pollen and bees as well.  It was a rather joyous spring day, full of life and the music of nature. 

"Say E.Z., did ya see I won the berry-kart race at the Cherry Cup?", asked the fruitling. 

"Beezee no." 

The robot's head turned around on top of its cubic body.  It never stopped turning, due a circuit malfunction. The boy didn't want to fix it- he thought it was a comforting peculiarity, and it always made people laugh.  He could gather a lot of attention and make new friends using the strange robot.  But sometimes it didn't feel right using EZ8's handicap to increase his own popularity.  Whenever possible, he kept the robot’s malfunction all to himself. 

The fruitling continued his prance through the Sea of Gardens, while EZ8 followed.  The "sea" stretched for a thousand miles in every direction.  From the white grasslands of the Imperial Wall to the Plains of Sparkle, it glimmered on the eternal flatlands of mid-continent, rainbow-like in all its uniqueness.  All kinds of flowers made their home on the sea, which really wasn't a sea but had been mistaken for one after the pioneers of aircraft first flew over it.  This surreal atmosphere- the psychedelic canvas of the sea as seen from above- created a kind of hypnosis upon pilots flying above it, and winged creatures alike.  Thus, flight over the Sea of Gardens became highly precautionary in the Ivory Empire. 

    "Say EZ, do ya think that girl at the Sapphire Station likes me?"  He was humming, whistling, and attempting to catch insects that flew away from flowers just before he (inadvertently) stepped on them with his little feet. 

    "Zeezee sure do.  EZ see Kiwi make corpulent ardor." 

    Kiwi didn't know what he was talking about, so he continued his waltz, cherishing the exuberant rapture of the natural world all around him.  Butterflies flapped their wings and bees buzzed all around his grassy hair.  Hummingbirds flew around his body, which was only a plump grape.  Then up they went around his head, which was nothing but a peeled kiwi with seeds for eyes and a dry streak for a mouth.  His arms and legs were pear-like in their form, having starlike extremities.  He came to a sudden stop and the robot nearly ran into him from behind.  Kiwi looked to the sky and smiled. 

"Say EZ, why do ya suppose the sky is blue?" 

EZ8 made a funny dialing noise before responding, "The frequency of the color blue is favorable to an observer under an atmosphere in which solar light is scattered through the elements of nitrogen, oxygen, argon-" 

"Okay, okay!”, interrupted Kiwi.  “Don't get your circuits crossed.” 

The robot made several indecipherable beeping noises while its head continued to spin around. 

All along the wind was picking up.  There came a terrible storm from the west, slow and rumbling.  Lightning illuminated clouds that pelted the Sea of Gardens with strong hail. 

"Beezee nooooo!", shouted the frightened robot. 

"Huh?" Kiwi was looking at the lightning.  It was as if some mysterious force were bringing the lightning to life.  When the storm arrived, the lightning left the clouds and twisted into a pattern that descended towards the ground.  There it exploded into a cloud of magic dust, and the storm disappeared.  "What in the blue blueberries is that?", ventured Kiwi. 

The robot's head, temporarily stalled from turning, creeped out of its body, making a faint, pitiful sound.  This often happened when EZ8 got scared or excited- his malfunction would disappear for as long as the moment would last. 

When the magic dust dissipated, a peculiar looking lemur introduced itself.  He wore a purple hat that was cone-shaped and had yellow stars on it.  The fur of his body was hidden by a matching vest, and in his hand, he held a steady wand.  The wizard-lemur was well spoken and conducted himself in the most elitist manner. 

"I am Bozo the Magnificent, a sorcerer of Zenith.  I see you own a Rexus 6 class robot.  Impeccable fortune that I have intercepted you at such an hour, seeing as I need some electric current to recharge my wand." 

Kiwi was agitated.  "His charger is broken, and we'd appreciate it if you got rid of that cloud still hanging above us." 

Above our two innocent friends there was but one miserable black cloud surrounded by a sky of blue, and it was still pelting them with rain, as if they were the only thing worth cursing in a world of bliss.  The hail pounded on EZ8's frame, making him produce a muffled grunt.  Just as he was eyeballing the wizard mistrustfully, his head began spinning again.  The lemur cocked an eyebrow, looking at him sideways. 

"Oh yes, quite alright," mumbled Bozo.  In an instant the cloud was gone.  "In exchange for my hospitality, I shall be using the android's life-force to recharge my wand.  Thank you and have a wonderful afternoon." 

The lemur's magic was too quick; Kiwi let out a hopeless scream.  The wand's magic struck one of EZ8's portals and a great shockwave zapped the life out of him.  The storm clouds gathered again.  In the blink of an eye the wizard was gone, disguised as lightning, and heading east in the direction of Dazzle. 

Now, Kiwi was a prideful individual, so there was no way that he was going to let that wicked Bozo steal his only friend’s life-force.  So, he exhausted himself pushing the mass of metal all the way back to the city, where the famous malarky of the wizard was set to begin. 

 

 

 

Miles of buildings made of giant emeralds, rubies, topaz, and sapphire glitter in a city that lies at the heart of the Sea of Gardens.  This unique skyline is the architectural stamp of Dazzle- a city of gems, the marvelous capital of the Ivory Empire.  At the center of the city sparks a great lotus of purple amethyst, and in the center of the lotus rises an epic monument: the Royal Sapphire Tower, which shines blue under sunlight, like the sea.  Ivorians propose this to be the most beautiful city in the empire (and some say, the whole world). 

The people of Dazzle are an odd diversity of fruitlings; robots; living gems called gemians; walking, talking flowers called flowerfaces; and of course, humans, which was the only species legally able to reside in the Royal Tower. 

Now, on this day of bustling trade, gemstone excavations, and rabid tourism, the terrible storm that had bewildered Kiwi and EZ8 blew in from the west, pummeling the great capital.  Chaos swept over the happy streets as the downpour came in.  Lightning of all colors struck the gigantic jewels of the city, creating current that flowed through the buildings, illuminating them with phosphorescent light. 

When the wizard appeared on the terrace of the Royal Sapphire Tower, the aristocrats were at first frightened of the spectacle.  But then they laughed when they saw it was only a lemur that had caused the uproar.  This infuriated Bozo, so he turned them all into bugs.  Then he stormed the palace, turning the Royal Guard into slugs and the Royal Court into snails.  Why, he even turned the king into a statue, stripping him of his garments and putting them on himself.   The invasion was fast and simple; Bozo was now king of the empire! 

For his first act of tyranny, he zapped all the Rexus robots into marshals, ordering them to transport all the smaller gems of great value across the Sea of Gardens, all the way to Zenith- which lays to the far north, at the foothills of the Monster Mountains.  All the poor little gemians, fruitlings, and flowerfaces were immediately without work, and tourism became stagnant.  All the citizens stayed in their homes, afraid to wander the city for fear of being transformed into slaves by the Rexus marshals for the great migration.  The Rexus were originally designed as mining machines for gem excavations, aiding the Gemians in their work to decorate the city.  You see, underneath Dazzle lay caverns of metamorphic rock and lava, which climb upwards from a giant batholith where a tremendous amount of crystallization takes place. Dazzle itself is situated right on top of the batholith, so the mining of the gems is easily transported.  But without the aid of the Rexus robots, the city would not be as spectacular as it is now.  The larger robots can lift rocks weighing well over five tons.  The gemians, being made of rock, were certainly a strong race, but it was only with the aid of the robots that they were able to get the largest gemstones of the world out of the ground and onto the plain. 

Now, the fruitling Kiwi was the only one who knew where the charge for the wand came from.  He tried to inspire rebellion in the city, but everyone was too afraid of confronting the wizard for fear of being turned into insignificant critters and what not. 

On one particularly gloomy day, he was wandering in a park near a trio of giant opals.  Passing a tree that had diamonds hanging off it like apples, he heard the faint sound of someone crying.  He looked all over the tree, but his search was futile; he could not see anyone. 

"Say, who's a' cryin' there?", he asked. 

"Me and my shameful life", came a sad female voice. 

"Why so glum, bum?  Show yourself", returned Kiwi. 

The girl continued to sob.  "I can't.  I'm a freak of nature.  They won't allow me to." 

"The Royal Guard?  Why not?  Are you one of them weed whackers?" 

"Noooo..." 

"Let's have it, girly.  The Royal Guard ain't even in control no more."  And Kiwi climbed up the tree until the location of the sad voice became more distinct.  Inside a little cubby hole in the bark sat a ruby in the shadows.  "Say, yer beautiful!  Come on out of there." 

"No!  Go away." 

"I like gemians.  You work the mines?" 

"I told you that I can't.  But if you must know, I'll show you why." 

Ruby poked her top out of the cubby hole and slid down the tree on one of her straight-edged sides.  She came out of the shadows, into the sunlight.  It was then that Kiwi stood back, agape in disbelief, for he was looking at a gem that didn't shine. 

"Great gumdrops!  Yer a... yer a..." 

"A no-good bum who doesn't belong here.  Go on and say it." 

"No no, I mean um... You're shiny; the sun just don't know it."  Kiwi shook his head nervously after realizing the stupidity of what he’d just said.  Ruby stuck out her tongue at him and walked away.  It was then that a lightbulb came on inside Kiwi's head. 

"Hey Ruby, wait up!" 

"What do you want, grape brains?" 

"Since you can't shine in the light, and everyone in the city is so colorful and noticeable..." 

Ruby added, "Yes, it's forbidden to show myself in the light.  The Royal Court is afraid I will disenchant the tourists.  Don't you know anything?" 

"Exactly!  Don't you get it?  You're the only one who can steal the wand from the wizard!" 

"Are you out of your seedless head?" came a sneering reply. 

"Think about it.  You're small, sneaky, smart.  You’re the perfect one to save the city.  A regular gem would have to hide in the shadows, but you could move in the light and not draw attention.  No one will see you, and you could easily snatch that wand right away from the wizard.  Think of the glory you would have!"  Kiwi folded his arms in triumph, nodding his head, proud of his idea. 

Ruby considered it.  "Well, you have a point.  But why would I save the same people who forced me to live in the shadows?" 

Kiwi scratched his grassy hair and thought about it.  "You will set an example for all the misfits.  If you can be elevated to stardom, anyone can.  What say you?" 

"Gee, anyone?  Thanks for making me sound so special," said Ruby sarcastically.  Kiwi looked at her in disbelief.  He was dumbfounded.  This is the most stubborn gemian I have ever crossed seeds with, he thought.  Just when he was starting to lose hope, she muttered, "Wellll..."  A glimmer of hope appeared in Kiwi's eyes.  He stooped to bed her, his starry eyes shining with plea. 

"Please.  He took my robot, my only friend." 

Ruby was still doubtful, but in her heart, she knew that it was possible to sneak her way through the tower, and the opportunity to change things politically was strengthening her motivation.  It was the type of risk that bordered on madness, but it was a madness too powerful to ignore.  No matter how much her brain imagined scenarios of failure, her heart stood in the way of her fear of it.  She ultimately decided that it was a risk worth taking; that imprisonment or death was better than going on living in the shadows of everyone else.  By listening to her heart, she’d give herself the opportunity for a better life.  In her mind she’d weighed the risks involved, deciding they were reconcilable. 

"Ok, I’ll do it on one condition-” Kiwi picked little Ruby up and twirled her around in his arms.  "Haha.  If I succeed, you have to be my friend." 

"We already are!" 

Smiling, they shared an optimism that looked like it had painted the panorama of glittering crystal in an opulence of hope.  For the rest of the day, they bonded together, and everyone witness the supposed atrocity taking place.  All the flowerfaces, fruitlings, and gemians warned them that should the Royal Court ever regain power, they would have Ruby banished.  But Kiwi and Ruby never challenged them- they would just look at each other and wink.  Kiwi saw that Ruby was extraordinarily happy to be walking in the sun again.  In the same respect, he felt ecstatic to be the master of a plot that could save the Ivorian capital.  Maybe they would make him a cavern manager, a general of the Imperial Wall, or a member of the royal senate.  The possibilities danced around inside his head, but the memory of EZ8 was there too.  He suddenly remembered the true reason for this mission- to return EZ8's electricity back to his body.  That night he told Ruby a bunch of stories about him and EZ8.  The more he told her, the more he missed him.  Then he introduced Ruby to EZ8's lifeless frame.  If robots had spirits, EZ8 would have been comforted to know they’d still cuddled with him despite his metallic body. 

 

Next afternoon, brave Ruby scaled the giant sapphire.  Wherever she went, none of the robot guards noticed her, for they were so used to dealing with gems that glistened.  She checked every room, but the wand wasn't anywhere.  The only place it could be was on the terrace, at the very top. 

With a stroke of luck, it was a rare cloudy day in the city, making it harder to see her outside than it would have been on a sunny day.  The terrace of the tower spanned an enormous distance, seeing as the giant sapphire had a trigonal shape, with the base at its top and its point wedged into a small mount at the bottom.  To Ruby's amazement, there were hundreds of slugs and snails crawling about on the terrace.  How did they all get here? she wondered.  Before she had time to speculate, the wizard appeared from one of the doorways on the other side of the terrace. 

"Hello varmints!  Cloudy day, isn't it?  We'll see about that!"  Then he zapped away the clouds, parting the sky to allow for sunlight.  He was going to dry up all the slugs!  Ruby couldn't let that happen; she had to act quickly. 

The wizard paced around the terrace, giggling at the dying slugs, kicking away the shelled-up snails.  When he came nearer to Ruby, she surprised him by jumping her pointy bottom straight at him.  Bozo reacted just in time, stepping aside as she was about to hit him.  Ruby landed on upright legs on the other side of him. 

"What have we here?  A ruby that doesn't shine.  By all that is wretched, you should know better than to challenge your fate," laughed the bitter lemur.  She had landed in the sunlight.  All the slugs and snails turned to witness the crime of a gemian appearing in broad daylight.  They all went aghast, but due to the circumstances their laws were inevitably thrown out the window.  Ruby blushed (to no avail, seeing as rubies are red) and said, "Why don't you put your wand where mouth is, long ears?" 

"Child.  On the contrary, I'm going to put my wand where your mouth is!"    

The wizard revealed his wand and tried zapping her.  She dodged its electricity several times, but on the last try it finally connected with her pointy bottom.  Ruby lay on the floor expecting to be turned into something gruesome, but nothing happened. 

"Eh?", muttered the confused lemur.  Then he zapped her again, but nothing happened. The crystallography of her body wasn’t allowing the electric current to go through her.  She thought it must have been for the same reason she couldn't reflect light to make her shine.  She stood up and stared down the now maniacal wizard, who wouldn't stop trying to zap her. 

"Buckle up, Bozo.  You're about to get zapped, Ruby style."  She rocketed herself towards the shrieking lemur, this time with her hard, flat head.  She landed a blow right on his noggin. Bozo fell to the ground as the wand landed in Ruby's hand.  Immediately, she turned the dying critters back into humans.   

A wobbling scientist approached her in disbelief.  "Royal raspberries!  This ruby has saved the entire empire, and she doesn't even function properly." 

Then spoke a priest, “She has used her disability to her advantage.  What a brave and clever little gemian." 

The priest was blessing her on his hands and knees when the royal judge finally spoke.  "Let there be a discontinuation of the Misfit Law.  From this day forth, even hybrid gemians and gemians that don't shine may walk in the sunlight." 

The next time she saw Kiwi, he was at the same place they’d met- the tree by the opals. 

"The royal court wanted to keep the wand, but I reminded them that the law legally gives me the right to own it.  I don't want it though; I'm giving it to you." 

Kiwi was the happiest person in the world.  He cried, kissed, and hugged Ruby until she blushed.  Then he used the remainder of the wand's energy to recharge EZ8.  Several beeps sputtered in sequence, and as he rebooted the subdued fruitling said, “We could eat mountains of candy, build countries of theme parks, rule the world..."  Then he looked at Ruby and sighed.  "No. We'll bury it somewhere, and if we ever need to conquer another evil wizard, we have the best weapon in the world to spoil his plans with." 

"Our secret", replied Ruby. 

"Ow zekret," came a gravelly voice from the fried frame of the Rexus 6.  Out came EZ8's spinning head and Ruby started laughing.  She laughed and laughed and then Kiwi started laughing too.  Then the confused robot laughed, and they all couldn't stop laughing.  In their joyous reunion, the skyline of Dazzle sparkled brilliantly under a blue sky.  The civilization returned to normal, and all the civilians who saw Ruby laughing in the sun were taken aback by the flexibility of everyone’s newfound tolerance for them.  The trio looked towards the promised land beyond the streets, which beckoned them yonder to where wild birds flew high in the air and flowers blew steadily in the wind.  Kiwi and Ruby raced to play in the Sea of Gardens, with the rejuvenated robot not far behind.