My position on transgenders might surprise those who would think my views are conventionally liberal. As you may know, my father changed his sex some time before I met him. Twenty years later my mother met Roger, who lived with us from 2000-2005. They ultimately split up because he wanted to be a woman too. It shattered her heart in more ways than one. She loved him deeply, and I think there was no better match for her in a long line of disappointing relationships. Roger was also the second man she loved to have a sex change, a unique thing to be victimized by. It had made her feel like there was something oddly manly about her, something that would make men want to reverse their roles, despite her having many relationships with men who didn't.
Every time we talk about it, she insists that they did this because they were born in the wrong body, that they'd felt like women their whole lives and couldn't be happy with themselves unless they had physical operations. It never made much sense to me though. It seems like a rather materialistic approach to the problem. As a man who is more feminine than most, and who is entirely comfortable with his own sex, I feel like the problem is social rather than physical. We are all raised on gender roles, meaning we are raised according to the social norms our sexes are bound to give us. The conflict comes when we falsely assign "feminine" virtues to a single sex, and vice versa. By this I mean that compassion, emotional expression, wearing certain clothes, etc. become feminized by social constructs. If you are so troubled by expressing yourself in a "womanly" manner as a man that you would need a sex change to feel comfortable, it more reflects your insecurity with being the sex you were given than being born in the wrong body. Sex is an innate, physical characteristic, no more than eye color or skin type. To deny your sex is every bit as strange as someone like Michael Jackson having operations to change his skin color.
Men who are comfortable with their manhood have no problem appearing vulnerable where a woman would be socially accepted. In a way, becoming transgendered is sexism in reverse, because it reinforces the stereotype that men shouldn't express anything described as feminine unless they change their sex. These people are in fact contributing to the gender problem rather than fixing it. If they'd just be comfortable with who they are instead of trying to hide it, others would do the same, and eventually no one would consider it outlandish to see a man behaving in a feminine manner. It would become the norm.
I hope you won't accuse me of being bigoted or intolerant. I have no problem with transgenders, and don't think the operations should be banned. If someone really wants it done, I won't stand in their way. It's entirely possible that knowing two transgenders who tried to be father figures for me has tainted my view on the subject. I'm not even sure I'd hold these views if I'd had a normal father to begin with. But my experiences have forced me to reflect on this more than others, and I do feel like my point is a good one for those seeking sexual security in a society that laughs at men who dress up like women. You wouldn't hear any laughs from me. I'm not the problem; society's intolerance for gender role reversals is. We need more people comfortable with their sexuality to fix this, and not just gays. Even macho guys would do well to wear a pink shirt from time to time. I have no problem wearing pink- I think it's lovely!
No comments:
Post a Comment