Goodbyes Are Hard for Honest People

        There are a lot of people I've known and loved that I didn't say goodbye to when our time came to an end.  It was more frequent when I was younger, particularly during a divorce that forced me to move.  I didn't say goodbye to any of my friends and neighbors, or people at the school I attended.  Yesterday for the first time I felt really guilty about it, even though it's understandable why I clammed up.  Explaining why you have to move because of a divorce is something no 10 year old would find easy.
        I didn't think so at the time, but it must have hurt a lot of people, because they never called me and we didn't stay in touch.  Sorrow was my new friend, so it was hard to consider anyone else's feelings but my own.  I forgive myself for what happened, but perhaps they didn't.  The right thing to do was say goodbye, so why didn't I do it?  It's an important question because I consider myself a moral person and it doesn't make sense that I wouldn't even feel remorse at the time.
        The short answer is that the adage is true: it's hard to say goodbye.  Especially when you know you won't see someone anymore, or that you will see them far less.  Most people are able to summon an act where they can sugar coat the event with smiles and fond farewells.  I never had that ability, because I'm too honest.  I'm terrible at acting, and for the same reason, terrible at lying.  The words in my head I can't gloss over with fakeness; they are there, like a fire I can't put out.  I don't know what to say in such crucial moments, and I get painfully self-conscious.  It's probably the same for many honest and sensitive people.
        So you see, being honest can have its drawbacks, despite it being a virtue.  I've been thinking about how different it would have been if I'd had a parent who taught me to deal with goodbyes, parents who didn't divorce, who had a healthy marriage or at least stayed together for their kids.  Life might have been more stable.  I might have stayed with my friends, gone through that school system and graduated with that class.  Maybe it would have made me better at dealing with conflict.
        Sometimes it's hard to tell whether it's your genes or the environment that determines your behavior.  I like to think that in this case it's a product of my upbringing.  The truth is that it's a little of both.  I would have been too honest regardless of the crisis, and therefore goodbyes would have been harder, but not to the same degree as the divorce's affect.  The divorce made them so hard that abrupt loss seemed commonplace.
        One thing's certain; you must say goodbye to your friends, no matter how hard it is.  It leaves the door open for further interaction, even if it's not as prolific as before.  Otherwise they might think you don't value their friendship.  Don't be a coward like I was.  Have the courage to say goodbye.