Yellowjackets, Lakeside, Fedex, Jay

The past few weeks have posed a series of challenges that have resulted in my first week off in four years. First I had to destroy two wasps and one yellowjacket nest at the same time. The bees were invading our yard, I had to make a stand. The yellowjackets in particular were stressful because a they live underground and I'd been stung viciously by one while mowing the lawn. When the time came a dog started barking next door that wouldn't stop. It knew I was out making mischief. Killing a hive is nothing to be proud of. Sometimes I imagine how alarming it must be for them to suddenly be drowning in toxic chemicals. How they'd all panic as one single consciousness, reaching for the hole that leads out in futility. A different part of me is satisfied that I faced my fear and demolished the aggressive pests. With a glass of gas in one hand and wasp spray in the other, I approached the nest at dusk once they'd all gone inside. With my arm shaking I poured the gas in first, nervous that a rogue forager would see me. Then I sprayed with my other hand for 10 whole seconds- longer than recommended. You want to make sure the whole nest gets saturated, or the survivors can burrow their way out through a new hole. And some yellowjacket nests are mighty big. Once it was over I went to bed with mixed feelings, thinking my troubles were over.

 A few days later it was the disastrous result at Lakeside private school. The courage I had facing the yellowjackets failed me in a more social setting. This beautiful upper class school that had taught Bill Gates and Paul Allen- one of the highest rated in the country- had given me the opportunity to meet their team as an accounting professional. It was a final interview with 10 people- 2 different panels and the CFO privately. I'd prepared exhaustively for it. On arrival, I couldn't find a parking spot, which made me clam up. I waited for five minutes and none became available. There was no obvious place to park within the two block radius- everywhere there were no parking signs, and nobody would leave the visitor lot. Cones were placed on spots that were reserved for carpoolers. I thought of calling, but feared it would throw off my calmness, which from experience is never good. (Although one time I got a job after being late to the interview because I got pulled over for speeding.) Feeling the pressure of a two hour interview starting bad, I just drove away. The school called me three times but I didn't answer, opting instead to sulk in shame and humiliation. It was a golden opportunity that only comes once a year, and I'd blown it. Later I would thank the CPA for calling me, blaming the HR manager for the various issues prior to the interview, one which was that she told me they'd been contacting references but never did, leaving my boss expecting al call that never came. Frustrating it is to have to ask your boss to support you when a new employer calls. But if I had to be honest with myself I straight up chickened out, and those poor people got stood up because of my cowardice. The mess up with HR would have been water under the bridge if I'd gone through that door. My wife was upset for days, saying I need a therapy for quitting so easily all the time. Ouch. Not only had I burned a bridge but a thread of sanity as well.

The third challenge was convincing my mom to support me through college if I decided to leave Fedex, who pays for my tuition. I'd developed a crack on my foot, the next in a series of bodily dysfunctions caused by working in such a grueling environment. It is not for the week, mentally or physically. I feared for my life once when too many packages were limiting my ability to move. And the conveyor belt never stops unless you pull the cord, which I inevitably did. Anyways, mom seemed to have lost faith in me finishing a master's. I'd already backed out from a few degrees, so why shouldn't she? I understood. It was her money I was asking for; but for the first time I also offered to pay her back if I didn't finish. Even then she had doubts. It was doubt again, creeping through the surface to poison my future, just like it had done at Lakeside. She relented once I told her I was selling stock to pay for it. Sucks that I had to push that button.

The final blow came from my boss at PrintWest. After the Lakeside incident, I asked if I could do extra processing duties to help advance my career, including AP, payroll, taxes, closing, etc. The mistake was saying I wanted my title changed to Staff Accountant. He started involving me and the intern with challenges that are way beyond our understanding and have nothing to do with processing. What's worse is that he became extra critical, writing long-winded emails that involved tangents and lectures about basic things like meeting deadlines. I'm getting 8-10 long emails per day that are and discouraging, like he wants me to quit. I'd always thought he was trying to help me by saying I had the potential to take over his job when he retires. But recently I've learned I am not remotely close. I decided to halt this madness by asking for time off next week and telling him I was going back to college, which isn't a lie, but I let him assume it's for accounting. Meanwhile I will stay on course for the real plan, finishing my master's in geography and finding the right fit to advance my accounting career. I can't be overwhelmed with random challenges, trick questions and quizzes that will distract me from my real job and the first week of false semester. One can only hope he will get the point and cool off on my return. Hopefully by then I'll be close to a new job offer.