Hawaii Trip #2

I know it's not fair to focus on everything negative about something, but this time it's inevitable.  The trip to Hawaii was a disaster, a catastrophe in paradise, a nightmare vacation that even Chevy Chase wouldn't dare imitate. 

On the first day we went whale watching: "we" being my mom, aunt Mary, cousin Susanna, and my aunt's friend Mev, who has the thickest New York accent.  What are ya, new?  I can't believe you never had a cocktail!  We saw a lot of whales and the sea breeze gave it a tranquil setting.  Some of the whales came up to the boat and swarmed, making an exciting start to the trip. 

After that Mev took us to a beach on uptown Lahaina (the island she lives on is Maui).  It was a Sunday, so she parked in a No Parking zone thinking no one would care.  On the beach I decided to go on an adventure up a rocky cliff to get a good view of everything.  It was about a half mile up the beach, and when I got there, there was a sign that said No Climbing.  Deflated, I went back to find them, but they were all gone.  I went to back to the car to see if they had left, and the car was gone too.  I thought they surely hadn't left me there, so I waited on the path they would've had to take to get back to the car.  An hour passed before I decided to go look for them.  I found them walking up the beach and they explained how they were trying to look for me.  Apparently, no one knew that the car was gone, so I told them and Mev got stressed out.  We spent a couple hours getting the car back.  Kind of a frustrating first day, but no big deal. 

Mev was generous enough to let us stay at her home for the whole vacation.  Mom stayed there for seven days, but I was only staying for four because I was scheduled to take a lone adventure to Kauai on the fifth day.  That night, with me being the only guy, I generously offered to sleep out on the porch, since there wasn't enough room inside.  Well, Mev's house was right next to a loud highway, and there was a foul smell of sewage coming from nearby.  I spent four nights sleeping poorly, waking up early to the annoying combination of rush hour traffic and human excrement.  I appreciate Mev's hospitality, but I really would much rather have spent money on a hotel for some peaceful sleep.  After the second night I wanted to, but I only had two nights left there, so I figured I'd just be a man and suck it up. 

On the second day, Mev was nice enough to take us up Haleakala Crater at my request.  Unfortunately, I didn't forecast the tremendous heights.  Mom and Mev chickened out, so we had to turn back.  On the way back we visited an interesting man with an interesting house.  He had a garden of exotic plants, and inside there were various tribal oddities from all over the world.  The man was erudite, but I found him argumentative, so I kept quiet while the others indulged him.  

After we left, Mev got in a minor car accident.  It wasn't a big one, but she scratched up some guy's car and there was an insurance fiasco because she didn't have any!  After two days we were already thinking, what could happen next? 

Day 3 was one of the best of the trip.  I rented a car and went up Haleakala by myself- a 10,000-foot climb of switchbacks and daring heights.  I hiked around inside the volcano, but I didn't get very far because I forgot my sunscreen.  The crater is full of cinder cone volcanos.  Hawaii is the largest "hot spot" on Earth; every island has a volcano, and if you count ocean depth, these "mountains" are the highest on Earth.  The most memorable part was probably the drive up.  The rim was clear above the clouds, and at one point it felt like I was driving on them.  When I returned to town, Mev picked me up and we had a nice sunset barbecue. 

The next day I took a stroll around the town- meditated under an enormous statue of Buddha and saw the largest banyan tree in the United States.  For the evening we went to a luau, but the experience was overshadowed by the drunkenness of Mary & Mev.  Moderate drinking is fun and all, but Mev got extremely drunk and... Well, you can guess the rest.  The party lifestyle that Mary is so accustomed to just doesn't suit me.  Susanna, whom I believe is only 11, didn't seem to mind, but she's probably used to it by now.  I didn't lash out or spoil the evening for them; I drove them home like a gentleman, feeling sick inside and sorry for Susanna, wanting desperately to get off that island, knowing my mom felt the same way. 

Alas, the day of my departure to Kauai was in fact the worst, despite my excitement for leaving Maui.  I was so stoked to get out of there that the Gods decided played a cruel joke on me.  Mom drove me to the airport (about 30 miles away from Lahaina), but when I got there, I couldn't find my wallet!  Mom called Mary, who found the wallet in the driveway after we'd roused her out of bed.  Apparently, it had fallen out right as I was stepping into the car, sheesh.  I thought the Gods might be punishing me for leaving my mom behind while I went on adventures in Kaui.  Anyway, I missed the plane in utter despair, thinking the trip couldn't possibly get any worse.  Mom was an angel and called the airline to schedule a new flight later in the day.  We were both really stressed and arguing the whole time.  Back in town she decided to do some work before taking me back to the airport, since the plane wouldn’t take off for a few more hours.  After all I had been through, I was fed up that she was working.  I called a cab to take me instead.  That really upset her, and I felt awful for doing it, but I just wanted to get there as soon as possible.  The last thing I remember about Lahaina is mom trying to start Mev's car, with the battery apparently dead, and her sobbing on the wheel.  I felt even more guilty for leaving her there...  

Sleep deprived, stressed out, depressed, yet finally relieved to get off that Godforsaken island, I made it to Kauai without anything disastrous happening.  Woo!  I rented a car and drove through the lushest, greenest land I've ever seen.  Kauai is a remarkable, surreal island.  It's one of the wettest places in the world.  The plants are so diverse, the flowers more exotic than a honeymoon in Italy.  I wish I could name them but I can't.  The sun was setting pretty fast, so I raced up to Waimea Canyon to get some good photos before sunset.  Oy vey, wouldn't you know it my camera was acting up, shooting in line breaks and purple haze.  It figures that at my most highly anticipated time to take photos, my camera would all the sudden go berserk (apparently it had sand in it or something).  I got some decent photos and went back to the town.  On my way back I got really sick- the exhaustion and stress were taking a toll on my me, physically.  When laying down in my hotel room, I got the worst shivers at the slightest movement.  I must have slept about 12 hours that night.  Next morning, I was fine. 

The best part of the whole trip was the next day.  I took an unforgettable helicopter ride above the island.  It was so breathtaking!  I had the best seat in the chopper- the front right passenger seat.  The pilot showed us several places where they shot the film Jurassic Park.  We flew over the canyon that I'd driven up the evening before, then over the magnificent Na Pali Coast.  We also saw the walls of Mt. Waialeale where it rains every day- I could just imagine the curtain of waterfalls around it during the afternoon hours.  Later in the day I had a charter ride scheduled to see the Na Pali coast from the water.  The waves were too choppy and people started vomiting, so we had to turn back, ugh.  Why should I have expected anything else?  At least there was a school of dolphins that followed us, and going over the waves at full speed felt as exhilarating as a rollercoaster ride.  To cap it off, the captain stopped the boat to have us watch the sun setting beyond the horizon of the ocean.  It was an ironical, serene conclusion to all the excitement. 

It's almost over.  I met up with mom back on Maui for the midnight flight home.  By a cruel stroke of fate, the flight was cancelled and we had to spend the night at the airport.  It officially dawned on me that I was finally getting in balance for all the great trips I've had in the past.  I guess I'd rather have one disastrous trip and have all the rest be fantastic than have them all just be regular, tedious ones.  On the way down from that 8-hour plane ride I got the worst migraine because I couldn't pop my ears!  My sinus was stuffy from the cold I'd gotten on Kauai.  The pain made me want to die, and I didn't get the air out of my head for several days. 

The positives?  Hmmm... getting to spend time with Susanna & Mary.  They had come over to stay at our house for Christmas that year and we'd had a blast.  In Hawaii it was more of the same with them, this time on beaches and at Mev's home playing games.  I must share something funny about Susanna and I; the first time I went to Hawaii I read books the whole time while everyone else had fun (Mary & Susanna were with us that time too, but Susanna was just a baby).  This time it was Susanna who read the whole time while everyone else had fun.  So, both times that Mary's gone to Hawaii with us, she's had to put up with the disinterest of a child, haha.