And you were there in the auditorium when Enigma played Sadeness as I watched you from afar like I always do, wondering how fate could bring us together again after being apart so long. When the haunting chants ended he proposed to you the bright one wearing pink, bright as the ocean sunset that overlay waters serene, and your face lit up with joyful tears as you said yes and we locked eyes and I knew forever I would always be too late. Like Jack when he met Rose on the Titanic and their love drowned in the ocean deep with my teenage failures chained to your eternal grace. My sorrow meant nothing to you, you couldn't see me, you never even tried.
And I imagined dancing to Ottmar Liebert's Santa Fe with you twirling around me wearing a Spanish dress that tried to outshine you but inevitably couldn't. And though it was forbidden to dance with you, to love you, to merely set eyes on you, I did it anyway because I didn't care what they thought and for once neither did you. And I imagined us running away down the coast, listening to Just Like Heaven on a golden California bay, where you kissed me kissed me kissed me and said we should get married, become beach bums and spend our 20s exploring the west.
And then it became too much for me, how much better you were than me, how much more charm you had than me, that I tried too hard and messed with your head, even though I didn't mean to, it's the kind of thing that happens when I get bored.
And then I was on some lost lake beach in the mountains with Black echoing from the stars and you were gone, all gone, left me on the turnpike with a couple towels and my sorrow to burn in the summer sun, tattooed to charcoal by the anger you dented my soul with. And I went to find you on the county line to tell you I'm sorry, but I saw you in his house as I stood in the rain, you weren't alone though you were still the same, you'll always be the steady drain in my heart. And you had children, I couldn't believe it, so I planted a tree for them, watched them grow through the years playing under them, a ghost they couldn't see who protected them without you knowing.
And then I woke up in my room alone, just a boy again hearing Adam's Song on the radio and I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again if I decided to stop going to school. I tried for one more day but all I could think about was everyone watching me and wanting to go home, struggling to keep up, failing at everything, even suicide. My shrink convinced me I wasn't supposed to love you, that it's impossible because I didn't even know you, but what the hell does he know about love, I was with you every day for a whole year. And that's when I decided against that future because I couldn't wait for you to come around, but in my dreams I'm waiting, always waiting, until it's too late, until my entire life has passed me by. It's like being trapped, trapped in you, trapped in a paralysis of fear of talking to you, oh God, please let me out please let me escape her please let me be free of the truth.
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