The Selfishness Equation

  My wife said something very wise in bed today. "Nobody is completely selfless. We are all selfish at something." It's true. I am selfish about eating. When I'm hungry I don't wait for people to join me, or let them have first bite, unless I am a guest. I always have the first bite, even when my kids are hungry. I am also selfish when delivering, taking only good offers when others need the money more than me.

 My wife is selfish at cleaning. She will vacuum around us when we're still eating, or watching a show, and she's completely aware that it bothers us.

 Many people who give a lot to others are only trying to make themselves feel better. They are doing it to improve their own feelings, not necessarily out of a desire to help others.

 Even religious people who most renounce selfishness to achieve nirvana or sainthood may only be doing it to improve their karma, not out of innate goodness or a moral imperative to do the right thing.

 This isn't to say we are all selfish. The true measure of selfishness is a three-fold set of variables: the grand total of the things we are selfish about, the degree to which we are selfish about them, and how significant they are. For example, being selfish about needing space on the bus is not as significant as being selfish by cutting people off driving at high speeds. If a sociologist were to list every single individual and their corresponding selfishness scores, each would have a composite score representing the totality of their selfishness. It would all be relative to the mean score, sort of like IQ (intelligence quotient).

Weighing all possible measures of selfishness, most people are far more selfless than selfish. Most of us are aware of the things that bother others, and we do our best to be nice. The optimist in me clearly sees that all the selfless behaviors we make, including not acting on our impulses, or the first thought that comes to our heads, far outweighs the selfish ones. If everyone was a 100% selfish, without making any sacrifice for the greater good of society, we would be living in lawless anarchy. This is the social contract Roussea had written about three centuries ago. People are inherently unselfish enough to keep their communities running, but selfish enough at particular behaviors to make the appearance of being it.