Life is beautiful, so make the most out of it. Cherishe each day like it were a miracle, cast aglow by a new universe, a universe that cannot exist without you. Each day is a fresh start to a new life. That is why adulthood is such a marvelous thing. It should not be wasted by trivial pursuits of desire, but fermented by the peace and wisdom of moderation. It should be strengthened by the trials endured, not indentured to them. Adulthood can be a wonderful thing for those who recognize their potential. Even dark things can be beautiful, tainted as they are by grotesque images. Inside the shell, where the light fails to get through, grows a supersonic spirit yearning to break free, collecting snippets of discarded poetry for the escape. And that is when it happens, when the cut polarizes spirit, the curtain is raised in the song of the angels is heard, all those dark days becoming bathed in perfect mercy. Forgiveness is there, in her white sky diadem, the wind sailing through her hair, to render the years redeemed, truth abloom in a butterfly garden, myriad of changes the season eclipsed.
Most of us are too busy moving to live in solace as nature intended. We are too busy fighting nature to honor it, the true god, the entity that truly created us. Truth shines greatest for those who are still, unreactive, forced to bear the gravest burdens, that of humanity's disenchantment with harmony. Depression can drain them, dissociate them, disavow the holy roses whence they exfoliated, without color and without love, wandering aimlessly in a deep coma, looking for answers. Regaining faith in the goodness of mankind can take years, decades, even lifetimes. There are many of these lost souls, excommunicated from the church of benevolence, going through life searching for that divine spark to reignite them. Some succeed where others fail, and that is all it takes to forgive the spirit, for the shadow is cast stronger than those who spin the horizon.
The other day I was working with a man in a trailer, unloading boxes in hideous conditions. An impatient fellow, he was quick to anger and grew frustrated whenever the conveyor belt stopped. When we got to talking, his life story flooded out, to my lack of surprise, as this tends to happen to me with chatty strangers, since I am open to listening and do not care to share my own story. The fellow seemed trapped in a haze of bad decisions and incompetence, gloating about his physical achievements while yearning for mental ones. He listed off the possible careers he could have had, elaborating on each like I knew everything about them, more talking to himself than a complete stranger. Until I finally told him to pick what you like the most and focus on that. Everything else is a distraction. For once my words seemed to register and he was quiet for a moment, as if he experienced a momentary awakening. I like to believe that he will take my advice, that chance encounters like these can change people's lives, leading them out of their dark prisons and into the beautiful beyond. I probably will never see him again, as I quit the job the next day, but it may have been all he needed to get back on track. If that's the case, he was truly blessed to have worked with me during such a transformative time in my own life.
I face a similar struggle, wanting to study geography while feeling hampered by an unresponsive professor. There have been technical difficulties that have discouraged me from continuing with the program at Marshall. My good wife has convinced me to be patient that he will reply eventually, and that if he doesn't I should fight back. I'm afraid I don't have the energy to deal with that and work and trying to be a good family man. It's funny how history can repeat itself; about 15 years ago I'd also been a package handler attending university at the same time. Though I didn't have a full-time job and a family to support. I'd been studying atmospheric sciences at the University of Washington on site, which is similar to the degree track in geography I am taking at Marshall. I left that program because it was draining my energy, I had some bad professors, and did not want to deal with all the technical work. It's a decision I always regretted that is eerily reminiscent of my occurrence situation. Perhaps I am being tested by even harder circumstances since I did not pull through the first time.
This is the lesson: sometimes you only get one chance to follow your calling. If you're lucky enough to get a second chance, it will probably be more difficult because you'll have more responsibilities later in life. Best to persevere when it's easier rather than harder. I won't blame myself if I quit this time too. Family is far more important than career. Besides, I already have a career, and I'm enrolled to expand it at another university. So I have a solid backup plan this time. But it will not be my calling or my heart's desire. I must pass the test if I'm not to have any regrets.
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