Empty my head, release the clutter. Undo all these years of pointless memorizations, frantic readings, skimmings of trivial facts, all this searching for the big picture while ignoring the details. I'm overcrammed, over-worked, due for a vacation that doesn't involve a schedule, or words. Take this soaked cerebral sponge and relieve it of its destiny, slow it down, make her the object of my focus, not everything else.
Forget what I learned in college, the manias of all my jobs, the drudgery of reading 500 difficult books, the cramming addiction to trivia, even the urgent writings of journals like these. I am nobody, only a family man. There was never anything to accomplish, nobody to impress besides my estranged father, my easily impressed aunt, or my ambitious mother. Dreams of achievement were never for me; I could never hold onto them long enough. I was meant for love, nothing exceptional.
But perhaps I can be exceptional at loving. Perhaps that is the only gift I can give the world.
So give me love, give me a family. Make my children healthy and happy and long-living. Make my wife prosperous, she seems to thrive on it. Let us buy whatever she wishes, and let me be fine with that. Change is here, I'm becoming a new man. Time to grow up. Time to focus on one thing; that which is real.
Just empty this head, let it all come out. Let it all go, this past of mine, let me be reborn. Let me listen to my wife and mother; they know what's best for me, they are wiser. Stop trying to impress people with reclusive writings, stop trying to intellectualize everything. Think simpler. Empty my head, fill my heart instead.
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