All suffering finds meaning through sacrifice. This is one of the tenets of logotherapy, a theory developed by Viktor Frankl, the psychiatrist who survived a Nazi concentration camp. I'm reading his book Man's Search for Meaning, and it's greatly changing my perspective on life. It's helped me realize why the nicest people tend to suffer the most. It's because they generally sacrifice their happiness for others, enduring their sufferings for the sake of people they love, even strangers- though this is rarer.
Meaning for Frankl meant living through torture to bring love and knowledge (his books) to those who would be waiting for him after the war. He also found solace in the fact that he was suffering in someone else's place. Suddenly it made sense to me why Christians always say, "Jesus died for our sins". Like Frankl, he gave his body up for other people. If it weren't for him, another innocent person would have taken his place, possibly a much weaker one who wouldn't have endured it as well. More importantly, and this is according to the mythology, he gave up his body so all mankind could live eternally in heaven with God.
It was as true for Frankl during the Holocaust as it was for me during my troubled youth. My growing pains were so severe that I had no one to turn to for help. My development stagnated, I had nowhere to go. In a sense it was like being in a prison. Not as bad as Frankl's, for sure, but in a metaphorical sense it was like his experience in the camp reflected my internal struggle.
In my case it was my mother who I suffered for, though I have never told her about it and don't intend to. She was stressed out all the time, trying to support us on her own. I kept quiet because my need for guidance would only give her more anxiety. My brother already had a father to turn to for advice, so it felt like I would be more of a burden asking her about things a father should know. I kept this need for parental advice to myself, hardly ever seeking it from her, for fear of a reaction. I became my own teacher, which was a great struggle, and still impacts me to this day, for I'm sure there are still basic things about being a man I don't know about. That's not to say my mother was never there for me. She'd have given her right arm for me if I asked for it. She was concerned that I stayed in my room so much, and for good reason; I did have social difficulties, but I have always been more open around family. I just can't bring myself to tell her the truth, that I was avoiding her to prevent a meltdown, for it seemed she was always on the edge of collapsing or doing something crazy.
Logotherapy has helped me recognize all the other sacrifices I've made for people; my brother, when I was very young, who always seemed to get his way; the teams I've worked with, where I always took on a heavier load to make it easier for others; the customers I've served, who I've always tried to help as quickly as possible, so they could be on their way and the next people in line wouldn't have to wait long; and finally, for my wife, whom I waited patiently for, and kept my dastardly job so we could make our life together work.
We suffer for the people we love most. Some of us even suffer for those we don't know, seldom realizing how spiritually benevolent and selfless we'd been all along. If you want to make a difference or are asking yourself if there's any meaning in life, or why it's all worth it, look no further. The answer lies in self-sacrifice, for the betterment of mankind.
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